2003 - had baby and started down the challenging road of dealing with a special needs son
2004 - H started withdrawing and became depressed to varying degrees
2006 - had second baby
Dec 2008-May 2009 - MC, ended in "impasse" with H not shifting
Jul 2009 - H turned 40
Aug 2009 - last romance in M
fall 2009 - multiple crises, H really withdrawn and dealing with rage
Dec 22, 2009 - H revealed the depth of his hopelessness about our M, said 80% of his unhappiness was due to the conflict in our M, said that he had done a lot of research on how parental conflict affects children and had convinced himself that our level of conflict was damaging our children...repeatedly stated that he had no plans or solutions for the situation...H was dealing with extreme insomnia and a lot of anxiety symptoms (nervous breakdown?)
Dec 28, 2009 - H was diagnosed with moderate to severe depression (but ended up discontinuing meds after 4 days), first mentioned trial separation but agreed to wait for a month for his state of mind to stabilize
Jan 3, 2010 - SEPARATION: H moved out and rented 2 BR apartment
Jan 9, 2010 - H said he had no motivation to work on our M (lots of fight-or-flight body language)
Jan 11, 2010 - first DB coaching session
now:
H and I are coparenting peacefully, H is going out of his way to spend time with the kids and make it easy for them.
H has not mentioned D in weeks. He is obviously uncomfortable around me and in our home and tries to take the kids to his apartment whenever possible. Has made his intention to date very clear. Don't think there's an affair yet.
I am on an emotional roller coaster. Doing well with sticking to a code of behaviour around H (pleasant but only contact is about parenting). Not doing well with procrastination and obsessing about my sitch. I have made GAL babysteps and have plans to make more. Just starting to recognize the importance of detachment...have a long way to go. Had 2 sessions with a new IC who seems to be helpful.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
