Spouse Suffering From Depression

[Lucky11too]

Exactly. A lot has changed since they haven't been around and it's definitely going to be an interesting task if we ever get the opportunity to reintegrate them back in our lives. It seems to me (at least with my H) that they expect everything to be easy and perfect. Life is not easy! We're going to have fights, S is going to give us trouble, etc, but that's just part of life and learning to be a team to get thru it together. I think he's getting a taste of real life in some ways now, but I still think he has it way too easy. He has to learn too that he just can't pond S off on the grandparents all the time. I'm glad it's b/c he wants to spend time with me, but what about S? He wants time with his mommy and daddy too (well at least with his mommy =P). I just don't want to become too distracted with this whole H issue either that I'm not there for S.

I feel like I'm in a weird place right now. I feel like harping on all the negative things b/c there are so many things that are still wrong. I think too about how I’m scared that if we get back together, that we’ll probably be able to “make it work” but will we ever really be happy? I keep thinking about how I know how important M is and want to give that family for S, so I see myself sacrificing and giving it my all for H and the M, but I just can’t see him doing that for me. I'm going to have needs too and I just don't see him willing to put of the effort to meet them. Maybe it’s all just intertwined b/c it all comes back to the selfishness. But in the complete opposite of all that, my heart aches and I just want to be with him right now. I just want him to sit there and hold me. I don’t know, it’s just weird to be feeling such extremes. I feel like there’s this inner battle playing out right now between my heart and my brain, and I think my love sick heart is winning…

In a more productive state, I asked my MIL this morning if she could call their dr and get that appt set up for H to get his referral to the ENT for the sleep apnea surgery. It was horrible this weekend. We had 2 nights together and I was amazed about how bad he really is! He just doesn’t sleep. Every time I woke up, he would be awake. And too, I slept on his schedule Sunday night and I’m still trying to recover from lack of sleep! He’s finally coming to terms with the fact that he needs to do this and he needs to do this now, but he still just can’t seem to pick up the phone and call. Hopefully, MIL will help with that. I fear that I’m just sitting here in wishful thinking though that it will some how save our M too. But one step at a time...