You really have no idea why she acts towards you the way she does? You're blaming everything on her, do you not see that? Actions not talking not emails not texted...
Quote:
she replied snippily that I only did it because she said "what goes around comes around and you wont get to talk to D3 on Fridays" earlier today
Quote:
I told her that wasnt true....right answer...I can understand why you feel that way THEN DROP IT
Quote:
I said I didnt understand why she was being so vindictive.
Think before you speak, did/do you think acting/talking like this does ANY good...You just keep digging yourself into a bigger hole, STOP DIGGING.
Last edited by volleydog; 02/16/1009:23 PM.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
man...I cant believe I missed another opportunity to validate!
If I knew her as well as I think I do, I guess I shouldnt have expected her to react positively to anything I could have said. My first mistake was expecting she would say something nice/appreciative.
It's strange...my anger has subsided but I'm left feeling sorrow...and isolation.
I just want this to all be over. I honestly wish I had never met my ex...all the good times we had are completely washed away by what she's done.
Ok now I'm starting to feel the anger again...mainly because I'm trapped here. Why the hell would she start a family with me if she wasnt interested in sticking it out. Not only did I waste 7.5 years of my life with someone who wasnt worth it...but that time I will never get back...I could have spent it finding someone else that was better...who had morals and family values.
Now I'm just 7.5 years older...even less attractive...and I have to stay in the area so I can see/spend time with D3 regularly.
And for what...so she could get that "in-love" feeling back with a man 15 years her senior.
I really do hate her. Without regard to anyone but herself, she left...and now many have to pay the price. And what does she get...money, friends, family, and her lover...with few responsibilities or consequences for anything.
And what can I do...detach...GAL...move on...I *have to* do all this. I think it pisses me off the most that I was happy with my life before all this happened...and now even without her I have to struggle like never before just to try and make it to that level of happiness, while she has to do nothing but enjoy life.
Sure wish there was a quick decision I could make that would make me extremely happy and content and make her feel all the crap I've been feeling.
Let her deal getting less than 4 hours of sleep a night despite 2x prescriptions. Let her deal with the tremors and heart palpitations 24/7. Let her try to relax by watching a favorite program only to find what you enjoyed before is no longer funny...that it's so meaningless now that you just want it to fast forward and be over. Let her spend hours upon hours crying for 2 months straight, asking God why this happened to her.
Let her ponder and live the meaning of O.A.R.'s Shattered lyrics, "How many times can I break til I shatter?"
Kind of funny...I *feel* shattered...we were together for over 7 years...and if you shatter a mirror you get 7 years bad luck.
I guess in my case the 7+ years bad luck came first...then the mirror got shattered.
J Not only did I waste 7.5 years of my life with someone who wasnt worth it...but that time I will never get back...I could have spent it finding someone else that was better...who had morals and family values.
Read this sentence you wrote out loud to yourself. And then ask yourself, what the heck do you mean by family values? The type of person you want - I'm assuming it's someone who is politically conservative - would stay waaaaay clear of you based on what you've written here.
If they have family values, they would want someone who is stable, clear thinking, and positive. You just seem all rage right now.
I hope you listen to the advice of the other people who are posting here. When they tell you to take a hard look at yourself and own up to the responsibility of your actions and take charge of your impulses, you might move forward. Honestly, your thread really frightens me, in that a 32 year old man has such high school reactions. I'm especially concerned about the casual way you throw around the claim that your wife would have you murdered if you ruined her gravy train.
Honestly, if you thought she were capable of murder, you'd be at a police station right now and not posting. So the over-the-top emotional reaction is something that you need to think about. Why are you harping on this?
I'm asking because in my early 20s, I did have a friend who was killed, and it was the most tragic thing to ever happen to me or her family. I assume that it's never happened to you before bc that kind of pain is no something to be joked about.
Honestly, if you thought she were capable of murder, you'd be at a police station right now and not posting. So the over-the-top emotional reaction is something that you need to think about. Why are you harping on this?
I'm asking because in my early 20s, I did have a friend who was killed, and it was the most tragic thing to ever happen to me or her family. I assume that it's never happened to you before bc that kind of pain is no something to be joked about.
Sorry for your loss...and I'm not taking it lightly. If I had hard evidence of what she said, I would certainly be at the magistrates office filling out for a RO...but she said it on the phone and not in a text message or email...so theres no proof to show. It's just my word against hers. But I do believe that she would do it if I somehow brought about the end of her R with the OM...that's her mentality at this point.
I never heard her say it, but maybe it's been her dream since she was a little girl to marry someone with money...many little girls say that, then they grow up and their values change for the better. She is still in a youthful state of mind (for a mother of a young child) so that could be it. I had a fairly good education with multiple degrees and a lot of financial potential, but the economy has kicked me over and over again where it counts...so the best status we've been able to have in the years we've been together is middle class (which I'm happy with).
As far as what I mean by family values...someone that wouldnt cheat on their partner, who wouldnt break up their family just to be with another person.
nsw, you and you alone are responsible for this mess. You are a selfish, immature jerk. You have been given excellent advice and you actively choose to piss it away. You decide to do the worst possible thing every single time and hide behind excuse of "oops, I did it again." I think your ex made the right decision to leave and I hope she moves forward with her life without you.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
"Actually I feel sleepy...which is usually what happens when I release a lot of pent up anger." "It's strange...my anger has subsided but I'm left feeling sorrow...and isolation."
It's called depression. I think you need to take something to get your head on straight.
You mentioned that your W had anger issues. Well, the only thing we see on here is you provoking her. Whether you mean to or not, stop doing it. Maybe you need to get away for awhile, like physically away to calm down.
You swore you would listen to some of the DB-ers this time so here goes.
1) STOP CONTACTING HER. WHEN SHE CALLS TO SAY GOODNIGHT TO YOUR D, THEN SAY THIS "SURE I'LL GET HER, HOLD ON" AND THAT'S IT! DON'T EVEN GO BACK ON THE PHONE TO SAY GOODBYE.
2) GET OFF YOUR @$$ AND DO SOMETHING THAT KEEPS YOUR MIND BUSY WITH THINGS OTHER THAN THIS SITCH. RUN FOR A MILE, THEN WHEN YOU GET TIRED, KEEP ON RUNNING. THE EXERCISE WILL DO YOU GOOD. LISTEN TO MUSIC THAT'LL CALM YOU DOWN.
3) NO DRINKING, NO SMOKING, NO SUBSTANCE ABUSING. THAT'LL JUST MESS YOU UP EVEN MORE.
4) DON'T READ ANY RELATIONSHIP BOOKS.
5) IF YOU FEEL THE NEED TO VENT. WRITE IT OUT HERE OR ON A SHEET OF PAPER. THEN BURN IT AFTER.
6) GET A COUNSELOR.
7) LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP. THEN LOOK AGAIN.
8) REPEAT ALL ABOVE.
Look at all of your posts. You essentially answer your own questions but you do the wrong thing anyway. Then come over here and wonder why things turned out the way they did. YOU KNOW.
Now start doing the RIGHT thing.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
nsw, you and you alone are responsible for this mess.
I will own up to the mistakes I made during the R. I will even own up to letting my emotions and fears get the best of me after she left leading to a sharp tongue and unwise actions. And I will also own up to acting like a jerk...here.
But no I'm not solely responsible for the "mess".
When she left me, more changed in me than just the things she liked/disliked...I became much darker. Even my own family has expressed distaste in my words/actions...saying I've come down to my ex's level.
Originally Posted By: pearlharbr
You have been given excellent advice and you actively choose to piss it away.
I wont argue the quality of the advice...but it is primarily designed to work in situations where theres still a legal tie between two people...a marriage. When she left...there was/is nothing legally binding her to me...no required MC...no remaining in the home because half of it is hers, etc.
And lets not forget the OM...she left me so she could be with him. Given his success and articulation skills when she needed a shoulder...its unlikely that anything I did or didnt do would have prevented them from being together.
Now...if and when they're over and done with (which I doubt will happen)...it might be a different story. In that case, had I backed off and left her alone since she left, stayed polite and made things pleasant with her in our interactions, worked on myself, etc. then that might have put me in line as "the better option".
Unless he does something bad to her that I didnt, like physical or verbal abuse, their relationship is likely to last at least a couple years if not forever. She made a choice and if she ever does regret it, and its much later than sooner, too bad for her. After all that time...after all she has put me through and and all that her and the OM will have done together...I would never want my ex back.
