Thanks you two - you're right I have so much to be thankful for. We have come a long way and it will take a long time to turn around the cycle. The blessing is that H is seeing his part in it now, and although he is still in WAS blame mode, at least that is a step.
This morning when he started joking around with me about my issues, I reminded him how hard I'm working on being different. His attitude has been, promises mean nothing, only time will tell. Then he said I"m only not "freaking out" as he calls it because he isn't around much. That is WAS BLAME BS!!!!
How am I going to get him to start spending more time with me - alone - to see that things can be different. I see that as long as he is making changes too it may be possible. BUt I'm so sick and tired of having all the positive stuff of a R witheld until he is "certain I won't freak out". Well I'm just different. I think it makes the hard times a lot easier to deal with when there's some positive closeness to back it up.
BUt like LR said - he's built his wall to protect himself. It's got full arsenal all around. It's true! I guess it helps to look at it that way - it hurts just a tiny bit less.
