Bill, I think our situations are very similar, and although I stopped snooping long ago, I'm sure my W has said similar things. I've pulled way back from my W. I refuse to be second choice. I'm happy and secure enough now that I'm willing to face the future without her. My W made a half hearted move to end it with OM, but she made it so clear how little she felt toward me that I said I was done and moving on. She got very angry and went running back to OM. I knew it was my only hope of ever getting the respect necessary if we were to ever try to reconcile.
I think our wives are similar in that they're both terrified of being alone.
Do you think her saying "I should just go back to Bill and give up on true love" is a slap in your face? Sounds like one to me.
I've been pondering a lot about the psychological dynamics at play in situations like ours, and I've come to realize that the foundation of what gucci and robx preach is that in order to elevate an emotion to "love" or "passion", there must be some fear of loss. It's the fear that digs deeper into the emotional subconcious and gets the feelings stirred up, perhaps mother nature's way of giving the most attention to that which could be lost. We want to think things like love are transcendent, not bound by primitive rules like that, but after reading so many of the situations, I'm convinced of it.
Our wives do value us at one level, but without the fear of loss, we're just their boring coparents and companions. My W has told me flat out that there is an emptiness inside her where I should be, and she just doesn't know why, and it frustrates her, but no matter how much she tries to feel something more for me, it's just not there. When we started dating and I was the one who was less vested in our R, she pursued me like crazy. No coincidence that the emptiness started after we had kids and I started behaving as though nothing would ever make me leave her and the kids. No matter how poorly she behaved, how selfish, how much she neglected me, I was a rock, absolutely devoted and committed. Poof! Attraction and passion gone. Now OM is the one whose involvement is at risk, and thus warrants her utmost emotional investment.
