I don't think he needed to discover it. He knew all along how I felt. When I first found out OM was married, two years into our marriage, I was disconsolate. We talked about it then. He told me that I could have waited my whole life for OM, he would never have married me. But once he lost me, he married the next woman he had a relationship with. I think he was right. He didn't know when I spoke to OM, or when I met him, but he knew he was always in my thoughts, and he knew that we were still in touch.
As for confessing.... that is something they talk about at Retrouvaille. And their advice is,... That's what the priest is there for. If you feel a need to confess something the spouse doesn't already know about, tell it to the priest. Otherwise keep quiet. You make yourself feel better by confessing to the spouse, but you just unload the bad feelings onto him. You feel better; he feels worse. They do not value confessing. They do value apologizing. I apologized for many things. I apologized for keeping another man in my heart and my thoughts. But not to specific events.
