Mach - I understand that it is a little bit of manipulation but would it not also help to have her focus on our relationship as opposed to another one. If she focused on the other R then how can I expect her to notice any of the changes in ours?
This will not have the effect you think it will.
It is controlling and will backfire on you big time. She will not notice the changes in your sitch until she is ready to.
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If I am to sit back and allow it what does this say about me then? I mean she is pretty much doing it my face - would someone with confidence in himself sit back and allow it to happen right in his face.
Boy, nothing like male pride….
It says that you are willing, despite how much her actions hurt, to give her the time that she needs to figure out what she wants.
It says that you are not looking for the easy way out.
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How can she respect me if I sit back and allow it - actually as I wrote this I guess she does not respect me now.
She will show you respect after she is treated with respect for a long long time.
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I just feel so humiliated.
We have all been there. Most of us anyway. It is hard but it can be overcome.
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I just wish I could somehow reach her. I wish I could hold her in my arm and tell her how much I love her.
You can’t do that right now….MLC does not work like that. Things that would make sense in a normal R, make no sense around here.
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How then can I still demonstrate love? How? How?
By doing the work in yourself that is required of MLC. By growing as a human, as a man, as a father. By learning how to make yourself happy while you let her flip and flop in the wind for now.
I have read a lot of what we recognize as “script” on this thread. As well as what I believe the MLC radar will pick up as not true for you changes.
I hate to say it, as nice as it is to have breakfast made for you everyday, it does not fix a marriage. Because it does not change who you are inside. That is where the changes have to come from. Within.
Yes the gestures are nice, but they are gestures.
IF they are true gestures of affection... that is how you will SHOW her your love.
By being happy doing these things, because they are things that YOU enjoy, not just because you want her to see that you are different.
Time is on your side. Forget about September for now. It could come and go without her even realizing it. Or not.
There are no guarantees in this. There are no quick fixes. Just a ton of hard, emotional work.
It is time to take the focus off of your W for real for a while.
Read the resources, learn about MLC, learn how to live for you and your kids. If you can do those things, the monsters in your head will slow down and you will be able to take another step. Then another, then another. Before you know it you will be walking and those monsters will be way behind. Right now, THEY and YOU are your own worst enemy.
Even a few months in, you are still at the beginning. Right now, take it minute by minute, then day by day. Have patience with yourself and with her.
You can do this.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
