how do i keep my hope alive?

[pearlharbr]

i guess i'm just thinking out loud here...if it's true this is a cylce that will only continue to repeat itself, how much of myself do i want to invest in this R?

That is the million dollar question that only you can answer. The difference this time (correct me if I'm wrong) is that H is talking to IC to sort himself out. You'll have to wait and watch that process. He will have to prove through his actions over time that things can and will be different moving forward. Until then, take care of yourself so you will be great no matter what happens. Perhaps talking to an IC yourself can help you work through these valid concerns.