how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

thanks, talia and pearl. i'm not really trying to mind read, just asking if a cycle can be broken. i'm staying on the path that is working for me, but like i said earlier, i just can't tell if my H's reaching out to me has been out of loneliness or if he's considering reconciliation. i know i could drive myself insane trying to guess which one it is, but again, this is all part of a cycle with him. hopefully he'll benefit from IC, which he's starting again this week, and i know talking to a coach has been extremely helpful for me.

i guess i'm just thinking out loud here...if it's true this is a cylce that will only continue to repeat itself, how much of myself do i want to invest in this R? not that i'm backtracking now, i DO want to be with my H, but this is the third time we've gone through this. maybe my mom is right. maybe my H will do this over and over and every time i'll talk myself into thinking that it's the last time.

just having some sticky feelings today. i wouldn't be here if i didn't want my M to work, but i am also dealing with a lot of fear of this happening again and again. and i know it would be much worse later on if we had a family and a home, etc.

i will keep doing what i'm doing, though. as for what i have on my plate for ME this week, lots of yoga, running, meditating, journaling, time with friends, walks with my dog, and some time at church and of course, reading. i know he sees that i'm doing ok. i know he knows i see that he is not.

thanks, as always, for your thoughts!