Mach - I understand that it is a little bit of manipulation but would it not also help to have her focus on our relationship as opposed to another one. If she focused on the other R then how can I expect her to notice any of the changes in ours?
If I am to sit back and allow it what does this say about me then? I mean she is pretty much doing it my face - would someone with confidence in himself sit back and allow it to happen right in his face. We are not separated legally, are still living in the house with our kids. Granted she has said she will file in September but this is a total lack of respect. How can she respect me if I sit back and allow it - actually as I wrote this I guess she does not respect me now.
I'm still torn about why I should not confront her about this. Can you explain.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Mach - I know you are right man. I do. I just feel so humiliated. I feel like less of a man; although I do try and tell myself that my M does not define me as a man. I'm still struggling with the guilt that I have since I do acknowledge that I did in several ways play a role in this. I am a man of character but I'm also human. I know I need to feel it and go through it..I know...I just wish I could somehow reach her. I wish I could hold her in my arm and tell her how much I love her. I WILL stand for her. I WILL stick this out. Why? Because I know that underneath all of this is the women that I love. I just hope and pray that she can come out of it without destroying the love that I have for her. Mach - I feel like a beaten man but I know that I am facing this with you and everyone on this board helping. May God Bless all of you!
I can forgive and I am working so hard to be a better man. I just struggle with the letting her go completely and this is something that I know I must do. It is sad but I must do it. How then can I still demonstrate love? How? How?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Jack - It would accomplish nothing except make me feel better for the moment but I do know that I would regret it later. I know that I am angry and that my anger is justified. I just need to find a way to realease. The more I think about this the more I realize that I think some of my anger is at myself for 1) allowing myself to be in this position 2) for being put in a position to find out who I am outside of my marraige. I know this is what i need to do but it hurts it frustrating. I do know that when all is said and done I will be a better man but right now as you can imagine I cannot see that.
I am also fustrated knowing that she did try in her own way. I was the ass in the M for a long time...make that a long time...and now that I have finally "got it" it sucks to think that I just may have lost the women of my dreams.
Glad to see your back Jack. I expect that you (as have quite a few others) will give me a reality wake up call. God Bless Jack...God Bless you.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
None of that can start until you find you, and where your role fits in this MLC.
It DOESN'T make any sense....but find me one LBS, whose spouse's MLC, DID make sense to them.
Is it fair ?
F-fair man...It doesn't matter if it is fair or not....who said life was gonna be fair ?
All of these things that you speak of, are inside of you....
All of the questions......yes
But all of the answers for the path you need to walk, are inside of you.....
I'm really not trying to be short with you, but if I give you ALL of the answers, then essentually, you become you, just thinking like me.....
You aren't gonna reach her right now.....there is no quick fix to MLC.....
It HAS to run it's course....no way around that.....
That is why YOU have to strive to be bigger than her MLC, and move forward with Eric..
I once heard that you have to move forward with the same mindset as if they have passed on from this world....because in reality, the person you knew IS gone right now.....
The love that you speak of......that has to come through in your actions.....way more than your words......
You could move through this and find nobody standing on the other side of the tunnel that YOU have to walk.....that is why it is vital to make the changes for YOU and YOU alone.....
While most MLCers are out to lunch, they are eyes wide open to anything that is fake, because it plays into their hands.....one more reason that they are correct about you.....
Eric, this is the part of the healing process for you right now.....you can use it wisely, or you can get caught up in the why me......
Why you ?
When I would feel like this, and really get down.....
There were times when I would go outside and scream for God to give me more, just so that I could find that breaking point.....
And I know of one more person here that has spoken of that....
( no nickel given )
Peace Eric.....find me on the Alt if you need to talk.....
Look on some friends lists for George waving....you'll know it...
So i need to detach I get this. My wife although have this A is overall a good mom and a very nice person. I believe that the Sept date is her attempt to help ME deal with this. This has been going on since Oct 1st of 2009. She has been pretty clear about wanting a D. She has all along said that she did not want to hurt me. So outside of GAL and Detaching what am I to do - if she is not a MLCer and is a WAS. I believe she thinks she gave it her all - I think she has said as much. She seems to be the one who was detached - not I. So is detaching really the best approach? I just pick up the DR book and will write down my goals tonight but quite honestly I just don't know what to do and I wonder if the past 5 months I have cause too much damage. Oh..another reason for the Sept date is to "pay down bills" so once again I see no possibilities here. Help guys.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Mach - Thanks but you mention showing her I love her with my actions. How do I do that if I detach? How? If I understand this then showing her that I love is is about letting her go. Am I correct here or am I missing something?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Eric, it is possible to show love (NOT pursuit) with actions as well as detach. For me, it is showing forgiveness and treating them like a human being even though their actions feel like a slap in the face. It is about not getting involved in her drama for your sanity and not letting her actions and words control you.
For me, it is being pleasant and light in our interactions but not "chasing" and trying to keep my focus off my H.
