Well, making adjustments, right guys? We can do it.
So - in other news - I'm not proud of this at all, it's a violation of privacy, a little creepy and obsessive, and talk about trust issues to resolve... anyway, I continue to snoop on occasion. I'm not going to justify it.
This is a message my W recently wrote:
Quote:
Yeah, last night I was on the phone for about an hour with the Dish network people trying to get TV reception again. Bill ended up showing up in the middle of that, which was actually a good thing, as he was able to figure out what went wrong after problem solving for another hour. He was mad at me for not calling him in the first place and then afterward when I invited him to stay and watch a show with us he accused me of just wanting him around to fix stuff. I just can't win! I'm trying to do things on my own, but there is so much with the electronics that I just don't know and truly need help.
Yesterday, I also got in a fight with OM over the phone. I had sent him an e-mail saying that I was disappointed not to hear from him on Valentine's Day and he sent me an e-mail back basically saying that he did wish me a Happy V-Day on Friday when we spoke as I was driving to meet up with you, and that V-Day is one of those days that ruins a lot of relationships. I sent an e-mail back saying, "Seriously, that's your response.". I was mad. And he responded, "Yep" and basically said that what is going on between us may not be healthy since we are both in a bad space right now and that maybe we should just reconnect once we get our lives in order. I was heart broken to read that. I'll be damned if someone is going to break up with me (if you can call it that since we barely talk) over e-mail so I called him and told him he needed to do it in person. Well after talking a bit he told me that he had had a bad fight with his parents just moments earlier and that he feels like he is going to have a breakdown over all of the stress in his life. He is starting therapy Thursday. His game plan right now is to just cut everything non-essential out of his life in order to cope in survival mode. I don't understand how I end up being one of the things he pulls away from. For me, he has been a source of comfort. It really hurts my feelings, that for him, I seem to be a burden, even though he doesn't want to call it quits for good. He says he just wants space. I don't see how it is asking that much to just want him to call, e-mail, or text me. I wasn't asking for flowers and candy. I just wanted to know he was thinking about me. I'm afraid that he isn't good enough for me, and that he will always be letting me down. I know I should walk away from this as it doesn't look like he will have anything resolved in his life anytime soon, but I can't help my heart still wanting to be with him. I should just go back to Bill and give up on true love because my heart really just can't take it and at least Bill wants to spend time with me right now so badly.
What do you think?
I'll add to this that, she expressed a lot of gratitude that I did call her on Valentine's day to wish her a good day. We kissed a little last night, then she said that it made her mad that I now give her the attention that she wanted before. We did watch TV together last night.
