Sandi thanks for that long post as well. I tried to say the same thing a few pages back.

The main problem I see with cesco right now is that he did not truly try the tough love path. The only path I can see is reaction based on fear. Which I can understand as I experienced it myself.

Which I believe that some of you ladies do not fully understand. A man needs to rebuild his self esteem if he wants to change. With no self esteem he does everything for someone else. All re-actions. No purpose or path. Our goal is to isolate man, either physically or mentally so he has a chance to start building some self esteem. A man needs to have some confidence in himself if he is to show his strength as a husband, father and person.

When he reaches this point where he has a little confidence in himself. He begins to deploy tough love. He formulates a plan and acts.

A man needs not to say many words, but a man must act. Words can be used against him and can chisel away at his self esteem. Which is near non-existent. Actions build self esteem.
Self esteem builds respect.
Respect builds love.
If respect fails to build love it builds respect.
A man must respect himself first.
Before he can gain respect as a husband or father.


I also find it interesting that validating becomes hand picked. His wife is stating that she wants the marriage to be over. House sold. Family broken up. She wants another man.
Should this not be validated first ?
Then the man can begin to work on what the real problem's are in the relationship.
Buying flowers is not going to change years of miscommunication between the two of them. This is as much her fault as his.
But stopping and listening to what she says when he is at a point that he has enough self esteem to not take it personal and deploy passive aggressive behaviours will begin to change the years of miscommunication.
For he will begin to listen and filter what is BS and what he owns.
Then he can begin to 180 what he owns. And stand up to the BS.

The goal is to co-operate not compromise.
Stand firm on boundaries.
Act not talk in a manor that is civil and shows grace.

That is what we are saying when we say MAN UP.

Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul.
unconditional love is awesome!