An update, as I guess this is becoming my blog (of sorts). Nothing earth-shattering.
My wife and I had intercourse this past weekend for the third time since the end of our five-month SSM dry spell. So that is once a weekend for each of the past three weekends. This time it actually included her doing some foreplay and touching of me. That was a real pleasant surprise for me.
I gave her a Valentine's Day card and two wrapped presents. She took the test at the end of Chapmans the Five Languages of Love as a present to me (her primary LL is Quality Time followed one point lower by Acts of Service-Now we both "know" and have documentation)and cooked me a great Valentine's Day dinner. She really is a quality time and act of service person.
We had some quality time this weekend and we talked about my doing things around the house. What was interesting is that she only views some of the things that I do as acts of service on my part, the rest she views as "just doing my half of what needs to be done around the house." I decided not to push and just to listen and find out more about how she thinks. I guess, she chooses which things I do she views as statements of love and which she discards as just my rightful chores. I asked her what additional things could I do that she would find as acts of love. They were things she wants me to do but I haven't fully done yet. They include things like cleaning out my closet of old clothes (as her side of the hanging clothes rack has pushed over the half-way mark and she needs more room for her stuff that she isn't going to clean out----I would never say that out loud to her). At least she recognizes that I am trying to do things to make her feel loved.
I have told her in the past that I need sex more than once a week, but I have to admit that even once a week is a treat at the moment. I will push for greater sexual frequency, but want to give the both of us a little time prior to pushing for what I really need (repeat this is a marathon and not a sprint). I really feel that she has come a long way pretty quickly with the help of our sex therapist. That does give me hope for the future.
This coming weekend we are set to attend a couples retreat/workshop on our relationship. I hope that it will bring us closer together and that it will allow me to better communicate my needs to my wife. From reading summaries of what will happen, I suspect that it will provide my wife with tools that she can use (if she chooses to) that will allow her to better understand and meet some of my needs.
Right now is am slowly working my way through the book Mating in Captivity. From what I have read so far, I find it an interesting topic on can passion and familiarity co-exist in a committed marriage. I know that the author believes that they can and has shown some examples of how it can happen, but I am not quite half way through, so I expect that the "secret" to passion, lust and marital intimacy will be in the final chapters.
I hope that I have an opportunity to put it into practice.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
