The Good Soil Of Love

[Concerned_Listener]

Matilda,
My W and I had a busy Valentine's Day. We broke the evening into three separate events--a Breakfast at Tiffany's dance at our studio, listening to her friend sing jazz at a restaurant, and Salsa dancing at a latin venue. My W wore a black dress she had recently purchased. She is putting more attention into her appearance and wardrobe, tring to be stylish. She was worried about spending so much money on the dresses, but I didn't fret about it, nor intend to. I let her close down the latin venue at 2AM, even though I was ready to leave an hour earlier. She said that I was not cranky in the car on the way home, and seemed in a good mood.

She initiated sex, but my body did not respond. She tried to relax me by saying that there was no failure, but I felt pressured to perform. She asked me the next day my thoughts on the matter, and I told her it was a stimulating way to end the evening. She didn't seem angry or to take it personally.

I took the day off yesterday due to significant snowfall where I live. I drove my W to her job and waited in a cafe until she left for the day at 11:30AM.

She asked me to practice later in the day since her venue was closed. She had several beers in her at that point. I think she drinks out of boredom. She doesn't manage unstructured time well. I don't like practicing with her when her skills are not 100%, but I didn't turn her down. Her focus was on getting me to smile during the dance and connection. My focus was on practicing technique. We did practice the Salsa combination I learned in class, even though she couldn't manage the spins.

Her dance friend hasn't been back since I wrote the email two weeks ago. My W hasn't complained about it. Maybe she wanted to set limits but wasn't assertive about it. He has found a girlfriend to distract him from his problems.

I'll have to think about my W's advice during practice. I do tend to emphasize technique to the exclusion of partnership. I think my reaction in the bedroom is understandable. As long as she can be patient, I think sexual intimacy can be cultivated.

I'm not expecting anything more than a verbal or written reprimand for my failure to follow agency policy regarding providing resources to clients. It would be a long story to explain my lapse in judgment.

CL