No matter what I knew I could count on him to take the brunt of my rage...
I knew he would be there and he would always forgive me...
Yes I can see this clearly with a statement he said to me once. He told me "The reason I was most attracted to you was because you told me you would never leave me". Yes, he's right I would never leave him. I take my relationship seriously and I know there are ups and downs that we need to work through, but everything has a limit. I won't blame his illnes, but I do blame his lack of responsability. He will have ups and downs, we could work through those, but he needs to be putting as much effort as me. It's not a one way street. I won't be here to be mistreated or set aside when he has an episode. That's not a marriage, that's just a safety blanket and my feelings and needs are ignored.
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When I finally made my way to my Dr. she informed me I was about a week away from a complete mental breakdown - A psychotic break she called it - I was delusional and paranoid which I had never been before...
I was having panic attacks multiple times a day and felt like I was literally losing my mind...
That scared me to hear those words from her...
WOW, that must of been an eye opener for you. I can only imagine how scared you must of felt. It's not an easy thing to have to accept, but at least you took control over your situation and started getting help. Ignoring it would of just made it worst for you. Bipolar unfortunately has no cure but at least you can control it to some extenct.
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How does he sleep? How is his diet? Does he get fresh air daily? Seasons changing can trigger an episode of mania or depression as well as stress, alcohol, drugs, caffeine, isolation, loneliness, people who emotionally drain you etc...
He doesn't sleep very well, he goes to sleep late at night. He told me once I was keeping him up with my snoring . I felt bad and I told him I would sleep somewhere else a couple of nights a week so that we could both get some sleep. He became upset and told me that was an easy way out. We had tried several things in order to control it, but it didn't go so well. It made me uncomfortable to sleep in the same room with him because I would be waken up at 2 or 3AM to him enraged and slaming doors. So when I started sleeping downstairs he came down and told me he still kept waking up in the night.
Before we me he would eat really bad. Mostly fast foods and frozen dinners. But I like to cook so I would cook Colombian food . But since he's American I would also make things he liked, steamed vegtables, mashed potatoes, and grilled chicken or meat loaf. His mom is Italian so I would also make pasta.
He doesn't have hobbies, I tried getting him some golf clubs so that he could go with his friend. He didn't want them but thankfully his dad gave him the clubs for Christmas. I suggested him to go out with a friend to do guy stuff so that he could get out of the house and feel like he had a life. But he usually refused. I told him several times we needed to find things to do out of the house because it wasn't healthy. I wanted to go visit family or take the kids out somewhere but I could tell he wasn't so thrilled. He told me to get a hobbie, but when I began to search for one he left me. I felt like he didnt want me to leave the house. He told me to find things to do in the house instead of going out some where.
OMG if he doesn't drink two cups of expreso in teh morning he's not well. When he wakes up in the morning he can't even talk. He is distant and looks completely on edge. He makes his expressso and then he's able to talk and function. I can't understand how he can need so much caffeein in order to function.
He was in a lot of stress becuase of me. I had gotten two tickets and one of tehm I choose to go to court. I told him that I could do jail time to pay for the ticket. He got freaked out, but I explained "jail time" is like community service in the jail. You go in and do paperwork or clean and that is how you pay the fine. Kind of lke community service. But I am not in the streets, I'm in the jail. He was really freakedout. So I told him that I would just pay it when the time come.
All of his family is in another state. He left his family and came out here because he was running away, like he usually does, from the problems at home. His parents were going through a divorce so he just left. can tell he misses them but doesnt wnt to visit them. The reason they started talking again was because of me. I told him that family is family and that he should keep in contact. He has a lot of issues with his mom. He alwasy mistreated her and yelled at her as a kid. He would call her names and insult her in public. He never apologized fo rit. In fact, he says she provoqued him. My mom didn't like that at all. My mom told me "If a man doesnt respect the mother he won't respect the wife. The mother is the symbol of woman, if he hates the symbol, he will hate them all". She also said "He will end up treating you like he treats the mom". She was right.
. I felt bad and I told him I would sleep somewhere else a couple of nights a week so that we could both get some sleep. He became upset and told me that was an easy way out. We had tried several things in order to control it, but it didn't go so well. It made me uncomfortable to sleep in the same room with him because I would be waken up at 2 or 3AM to him enraged and slaming doors. So when I started sleeping downstairs he came down and told me he still kept waking up in the night.
. But since he's American I would also make things he liked, steamed vegtables, mashed potatoes, and grilled chicken or meat loaf. His mom is Italian so I would also make pasta.
