Ok lurking for weeks now and looking for some help.
My stich lesbian couple together 4 years with kids. My SO had an EA/PA. Started in 10/09, her old flame contacted her on facebook. She told me about contact, told me they had feelings for each other and that she decided they would not get together for coffee. That they would not have contact. Let it go as ‘normal’, not worried. It went underground, daily contact via phone and email.
I confronted 12/10/09 with phone records after growing suspicion. She admitted to EA. Next morning read her text messages she admitted to PA. Told me they had 5 meet-ups, 4 at hotel. Of course, I was at home watching kids thinking she was having nights out with friends. I even encouraged her to get out with others, something she had not been doing.
My world crumbled. She said she would do anything to stay with me. That she has been happy with me and that this is not about me. No contact with OW and transparency. Started MC after a terrible Christmas with extended family and not telling. Me asking her tons of questions and wanting details. Her giving some holding others. Now she feels it is related to her sobriety. She is 8 years sober but stopped AA when we got together. Now going to AA meetings and sees OW as addiction.
I have this feeling now that I’m not doing something right. Ok, Ok, I know I’m not. I feel controlling and pursuing. My mood connected to hers, going up and down, currently down. Checking email asking if any contact. My focus is going to this affair and not enough to my kids. I don’t know who to tell, feeling isolated. She will comfort me and than at times move away from me.
Says she can’t talk too much about her feelings for OW that it is something she can’t look at to closely. Final email to OW that I read, said ‘I love you but, I am going to work on my relationship and I can have no contact with you”. I feel like the “but”.
When I found out I read emails, lots of I love you, you are my soul mate, and all that stuff.
OW still attempting to contact her and her SO does not know.
I know maybe I should move to piecing but I don’t ‘feel’ that. I feel fear, fear that the other shoe is going to drop. I have read lots of advice; here are some of my questions.
1. How do I stop endless questions to her? 2. Who do I tell, only told 2 of my friends and she has told AA friends. 3. What next? How do you forgive. How do you get back together.
