Guys - I feel like crap today. W is out again and I suspect with OM. I know...I know I need to detach. But Christ this sucks! Just started the DR book and hope that this will provide me with some tools. I am soooo...close to confronting her...but I know I need to detach and Gal. God this sucks. I am in so much pain. When will the pain go away. How can I detach...how....how...
I know this is the standard MLC behavior or WAS but this sucks. Sorry guys I needed to vent. I just need to vent. I find myself asking the same questions...why...why....
I feel like rolling up in a ball and just crying but I know I need to be strong for my kids. I feel like contacting the lawyer and saying F it but I know that is not what I want. Damn I am pissed.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
E - So sorry! We all know how you feel and have been there. It does suck. Use that anger as a shield. Try to do something, anything that will help you get your mind off of it - go for a run, whatever. It really does get easier. Truly. It is a process and so is detaching.
We all do understand. It isn't fair. It isn't what we asked for. But it is what is, unfortunately. Vent here all you want. Try to do something to get your mind off of it.
Vent away Eric...it does help. It does suck...but you just have to place her actions outside your realm of concern. You can't control it....so just let it be and work on worrying about what you do control.
These monsters that are playing in your head, are just that....YOUR monsters.
It is up to you to decide if the images that you have created are worth having days like this for YOU.
I know how freakin hard this is, cause I ( and most of us ) have been there too.
Try to find something else to occupy your time today, and don't allow yourself to get dragged into the quagmire of it all. Just remember that you need to feel it.....just don't let what "might be", own how YOU react.
Part of what you can control is how you respond. If you have taken the time to understand fully what MLC does to a person, and to understand that MLC has a route that it must take , and part of that route includes the tearing apart of the family structure, albeit not sure exactly why....
Part of you has to be to understand the role of the LBS during that time. Not being a doormat, but doing so from a place of concern and understanding.
Is that a dealbreaker for you ? Is that the hill you are going to die on ?
If it is, then you will find support for that too. I am willing to bet though, that if you can fake it till you make it , and find a way to get through this day, your views may change tomorrow.
Anyone can make it through the good times my friend....
A true test of character is when you are up against it.
Is the decision you make today, going to be one that you CAN wake up to tomorrow ?
Rock bottom isn't only for our whacked out spouses ....it is a place of spiritual growth and learning....The Bible refers to this place as the Threshing floor....
Take this time for you....this is the time where you can control you and find that person who you want to be....
This will pass Eric....
Can you forgive ? Are you willing to give up a period of time in your life to reach that rocking chair, in a fantastic relationship with your current spouse ?
Is there a chance ? Maybe only a one in a million chance?
Or maybe, just maybe, you come through this day a better, more learned man in who Eric is.....
Trust and Lost - thanks man. I feel sick to my stomach. I feel like I'm gonna puke and so want to go home and tell the kids why Mommy decided to stay late at work today. I'm so pissed. I'm taking a longer lunch to drive around and try and clear my head. I then have to run home and pick up the kids and take them to the mall like the responsible parent I am. I know that I was not always this way and so maybe some of this is reaping what I sowed for several years.
OP - My GAL activities are: 1) Working out at least 2 - 3 times a week 2) I have decided to go back to school and finish my degree (this will take some time but figured I would start the process now) 3) Reconnecting with my kids on a totally different level. I am now Mr. Mom. So I have to leave work at 5 to get home to make dinner. I could train my 16 year old to do this but I take this time to reconnect with them so I don't mind. What I mind is taht my W works a lot these days...some of the hour i'm sure are with OM, which totally pissed me off. 4) Have begun planning weekend events with the kids. Like I said earlier I am Mr. Mom 5) Joined a dance class. I was tired of being the only Puerto Rican that did not know how to dance salsa. 6) I have also found that reading these post helps to some extend. I've been catching up on Bworl post and his attitude is amazing. 7) Reestablish my spiritual relationship
That pretty much it so if anyone has any ideas please let me know. Oh...the one thing that I keep doing that I know I should not be doing is checking the phone bill on line. For some stupid reason I keep trying to convince myself that the OM is just an emotional thing, which will pass but eveytime I check the bill I totally flip out and loose a day or two just being pissed.
On a final note - any thoughts on if I should arrange to have OM W find out (not be me of course)...I'm thinking of a letter in her mail box that says her H is a cheating no good SOB. I expect every one is going to tell me not to do it.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Oh...the one thing that I keep doing that I know I should not be doing is checking the phone bill on line. For some stupid reason I keep trying to convince myself that the OM is just an emotional thing, which will pass but eveytime I check the bill I totally flip out and loose a day or two just being pissed.
I keep that from my wife, not because I am afraid, but because when she was in MLC she had NOTHING, no resource no recourse and no support group such as this, and she is a bit jealous and hurt that she could find nothing and no one.
She knows about this place, in fact she knows several of my friends here, but I do not DB at home out of respect for her.
I alos limit my computer time at home, it is one of my changes I made a long time ago, that is now my way of life.
Weird huh?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
