To me Newmama's point about vulnerability is important. That's how people wind up in Rs they "wake up from" six months to a year down the line going Who is this loser I thought I was intereseted in? Well, he's the loser who showed interest in you during your lowest month and you thought you were "in like" or "in love" but turns out you were just desperate from grief.
Flo we all dream of being loved to our full potential but heck thats not real life just a dream!
As you said your H isnt having an affair and although my H did much the same on the "you'd be happier with someone else" front, he still didnt have an A.. Despite popular belief on here they dont all have one! Ok he is fantasising about having one even putting it out and about to see how you will react, exactly that to see how you will react. Think what RR said about even deep down she knows her H has feelings for her what ever he is going through and I always felt the same about my H.
It is very early days still in your separation, I like the way you are keeping out of controlling the kids emotions, H has to see the consequences of his actions in all directions, for me my H wanted to see what life was like on his own, well that meant not having me and although it killed me and yes I actually got used to it which is good for me as I did have him as the centre of my world probably a little too much, it was then he started to realise life without me wasnt that greener over there.
Maybe Im just a little to old fashioned and naive but the thought of having another man near scared me half to death lol!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
FM: I saw your no more "deer in the headlights" goal.
I had "deer in the headlights" too up until the very recent past. It seems the tone YOU set and acting as if over time can soothe that. But some of it also seems to be self-generated anxiety and guilt. I noted some things I was doing to make it worse. So don't mirror it back even if he leads with it and also don't go too enthusiastically the other way because too much positivity can seem like affection and thus cause it. It's all very weird. I hope that made sense. And any hint of pressure or R talks and fear of R talks also seems to cause it. Also, any times he re-enters your house, that can cause it because the life and home you shared together is now an "issue" and the visit is a "reminder" of the decision. On this board it seems that many WAHs exist and maintain on some combo. of distraction and denial.
rr, that all makes sense. Thanks for the warning to find a balance between not mirroring but not going overboard in the other direction. I might be leaning a bit too far in the opposite direction.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
