I've hit a wall.. Now what?

[talia]

Hey Pearl - Welcome back!! I can't wait to hear about your trip!!
He is a coward, among other things. I'm working through things with L right now to see where to go from here. L and me both are of the opinion that he can file if he wants this. I'll keep you posted as we work through it. It doesn't seem to hurt me to leave things as they are in the email and wait him out. I'm OK with that for now.

Aver -
I hope this helps you... I've been thrown for a loop lately too! I think there are levels of grieving this type of loss. This last round of moving closer to actually filing for D has been like two steps back. I can't sleep again - can't eat - you know the drill. I think the only difference is I have MUCH better coping mechanisms than before. I HOPE that IC is helping you in that way - it meant all the difference for me...

The best thing I've learned in this is to FEEL through it. I used to say "Its so wrong..." and then describe how I felt. My IC helped me see that how I feel isn't wrong - what I do with it might be. I would stuff my feelings, tell myself I didn't deserve to feel that way, I should have expected this, Can I blame him, there are so many other people who have it worse than me - how dare I feel like this... You get the idea. What I've learned is that if I honor my feelings and give them the care they deserve - the don't last as long and aren't as debilitating. Example.... I asked H wait until after the holiday's to file anything - so I could celebrate without that added stress. So come Dec 26 - I was ready. He didn't send me the email telling me we needed to move ahead until around mid Jan. I got the email and immediately was VERY upset. Then I started telling myself that I didn't deserve to be upset, I had been expecting this, its not a shock... etc. Then I stopped - remembered what I've learned... and decided to leave work early ill. I went home - cried all afternoon - talked to my mom and my best friend - cried some more. By dinnertime - I was OK again and that was it. It didn't ruin my week or have any affect on me past that afternoon.

Just remember that you get to feel however you want. As long as you don't base your actions on your feelings you will be fine. There is no right or wrong way to grieve so just be true to how YOU grieve. The sooner you do that for yourself the sooner you will get through it.

I don't know if that helps at all - but at least you know you are not alone in backsliding a little now and then. Just don't let H see it!!!


(((Aver)))

T