WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

PMA_Baby,

I agree with you. I've been through that point as well.

For me personally, I have decided a while ago that I am tired of her lies and BS. I still struggle with know how there is nothing more that my two boys want than for us to be a family again.

It really tears at me when I my 7 year old gets into his sad moments talking about how he misses having all 4 of us together and how his little brother did not have a chance to see how that was.

I know at the end of the day, my boys do want me to be happy so I know I need to be able to show them that I am and that we can be.

I guess with her concussion (from her slip and fall on ice) a couple of weeks ago, I felt sorry for her. She had called me and I could tell she was in a lot of pain. I let my guard down and helped her and we had 3 dinners together as a family. I let my boys and I fall for that illusion of how it could be nice. I can't/won't let that happen again.

So, my biggest issue right now is just dealing with my job situation. They know it's bothering me, as I've gone through a ton of cash over this past 3 months. I think we will still be ok financially for another 6 months or so but the wild card is when we have to do the equity split, how much will she take. I've been pushing that off as long as possible.

While I'm looking for a job though, I have been able to spend a lot of time with my boys, particularly my 3 year old. I feel bad at times how I haven't been able to spend as much one on one time with my 7 year old (my 3 year old only has school on Tues and Thurs, so he's with me during the other days). So I only get time with him for an hour or so on Tues and Thurs. I know it bothers him, but there's not much I can do about it right now.

So life continues......