Next steps

[blownaway65]

OK Aver, strap yourself in, here goes.

First off (((Big Hugs))), I think we can all see that you are in terrible pain and suffering so badly. Bad news is, most of it you're doing to yourself - sorry.

The ups and downs of the rollercoaster you're on are only there as long as you stay on it. You can get off at any time you like. That's Detachment. Getting to a place where you know you'll be OK no matter what the eventual outcome of all this is. Seriously it is the ONLY way that you will start to pull yourself up out of the quagmire you are in now.

You have to become indifferent or you will stay exactly where you are.

And thanks for the kind words on my thread. But there's no mystical properties to the Aussie outlook on life unfortunately. I went through exactly what you are now and I know just how much it hurts and how unfair it seems.

I think at some point I came to a realization - W's actions in forever breaking my family made me come to see her as a person who I couldn't walk through this life with - whether she wanted back or not. And it came remarkably quickly. Till that moment I struggled, just the same as you. But it did become so much easier once I got there.

My last 2 interactions with her were to check that her car insurance covered the kids using it, and to ask her not to bring OM to tennis on Friday night (not because I wouldn't be able to handle it, but because that's the way I wanted it - she agreed). I have no interest at all in her new life. I've got my own to live!

The House.

I'm sitting here in a beautiful mudbrick house that W & I built together. We made all the 3,500 mudbricks and laid them ourselves. The floors are 12,000 solid red bricks which we cleaned and laid ourselves. My kids and I ate dinner tonight at the redgum dining table W and I made together and I'm writing this lying on the beautiful four poster bed W & I made together. The kids will all sleep tonite in the beds W and I made them. In short if it wasn't plumbing, W & I did it together (Actually I must put more pics of it all in the Alt)

Point is, I'm sitting here alone. We both loved the house and everything in it. It's a 12 year investment in both our lives, and yet W still chose to leave.

It's our house 50/50. I have no idea what will happen to it when we settle. When that time comes I will have to decide what's the best thing to do for me, buy her out or sell to 3rd party.

I can look at parts of the house and conjure up the memories of our journey in building it, you know, there's where I fell off the roof or remembing when S16 fell into the tub of acid and we had to rush him to hospital, all that good stuff. But the point is I can look at them with a positive attitude and if I buy W out I know that I will be happy in this house even though there's so much of W in it.

I can see you love your place as well and if you think you can handle living in close proximity to H & OW and can swing it financially then why not buy it. Just make sure you don't do it for the wrong reasons though.

Spite and Jealousy will stop you seeing clearly what is in YOUR best interests - and as Tal says that's where you really have to be looking.


Above all look after yourself.