You know, as I keep reading-----REALLY reading, I think I'm finally beginning to understand what THIS is all about. I've wasted a lot of time not working on me----treading water, waiting for H to return. I got NOTHING done at work today----spent most of the day reading here. I think I finally understand-----THIS was inevitable for me. I need to find out who I am and what makes me happy.
You've hit the nail on the head, ThisCan'tBeTheEnd! But don't beat yourself to pieces because it's taken you this long to "get it". Just re-route yourself and get to the task of learning about YOU. Comprehension and understanding comes for different people at different times..no one person will get it when another one does. Some get it more quickly, some more slowly...but that's the difference in PEOPLE.
For awhile after the bomb early on in this, I was too busy angry about what my husband did and asking "why do I have to change when it was HIM that did everything wrong?"
Of course, that got me nowhere...and in the end I had to take a long, hard look at myself, see where I had made mistakes on my end of it, and change myself, because I certainly couldn't change HIM! Gave up that idea and just worked on myself, growing in the process. Took awhile, but it was worth the struggle and the pain to see ME in an honest light..and pinpoint what changes I needed to make to better myself; whether my marriage made it or not.
The changes and growing you need to do are for YOU, not for anyone else.
You go girl!
And Upside is right; this board is here for support, but you cannot allow it to divert you from what you need to do for you. It can be used constructively in tandem with the work you do on yourself, but it cannot take the place of what YOU will need to do for yourself. There was a time when I got a great deal of support from here; but there also came a time that I had to leave here, too; beginning to move on with my life. The board could not do my growing for me; I had to do it for myself. I gained a great many tools here to do just that. That is the main focus of this forum, focusing on yourself, not the WAS; etc.
You hang in there, seeing the light is but the first step of your journey to becoming whole again within yourself.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
