Yeah, you could say that. I'm trying to put my thoughts together to figure out how to tell what I've got to tell before I post my story under a new thread. I've been gone a long time;(since 2002 or 2003) and I'm at a place not too many people reach. I walked my journey through his AND mine, learning all I was supposed to learn and use for the rest of my life, plus whatever other tools I pick up along the way. I'm still married, things on the outside seem to be fine and I'm actually settled enough that I know that no matter what happens to me, I will be fine.
My life has been a busy one for the past 8 years; I did go on and become a full time truck driver; (I'm on road now, that's why I'm jumping on and off like a grasshopper)..I suffered through a 6 year Mid Life Transition that ended two years ago; that thank God didn't become a crisis.
Our son is grown now, and although still living at home, plus not being married as of yet(No girlfriend on the horizon) has a full-time career and is no trouble to anyone.
Yet, somewhere along the way, my husband seems to have gone back into another crisis or aspect or phase of some sort; the ending stages seem to be coming back around again; one child that seems to have been missed in the first round has come back; that hit me in the face a few weeks back, and I don't know how I could have missed that....and I'm trying to figure out how to post a short enough story without a whole lot of detail that will lose people before they can understand what I'm looking for in the way of answers.
Yet, I know if I don't post enough detail, the situation cannot be read into clearly by anyone who wants to help; I've read confusing posts before, and I don't wish to waste people's time reading something that doesn't make sense. I'm also thinking deeply on the whole thing because my memories are not that good anymore. So far, I'm handling this differently than I did before; to the point I've cast the marriage to the wayside for now. I do not wish it to end, and he's given no indication that he wants it to end, either.
This is what's very odd: I've NOT been bombed again, nor has a divorce been asked for. There's no OW this time, just a confusing pattern of behavior, irresponsibility, a time of not wanting to do anything but blow money..and fighting me when I come down hard on him for his share of the household bills.
It's puzzling to me. Strange, but I'm not really upset or bottomed out; and maybe I should be?
There are many things I'm wondering about; and theories I'm also thinking of, like, did the fact that I went into the tunnel myself from late 2002 to 2008 have something to do with this; or when I had gall-bladder surgery in 2007 and nearly died, did that affect him and drive him back into another round of this? Many things have been running through my head for quite awhile. Or was it just like Jim Conway spoke of in his book..they can come out, but if they don't deal with all of their issues they will have reoccurring episodes for the rest of their lives? I'm going to have to go back and read that book again when I make it home..but not before I post my stuff here to be looked at; as alone, I cannot make much sense of the whole thing.
I know I have no responsibility for what he does or doesn't do, and I'm aware I'm not to blame for whatever goes on that's to do with him.
The answer Snodderly gave me to the question I'd asked earlier helped quite a bit, also. There's more but I need to think some more before I try and post it all in order so as not to confuse anyone.
I promise I'm not trying to be cryptic, but I kind of wish my memories would come through crystal for once, so I can figure out where to pick up the next thread of the story from the time I left until now.
My timeframes aren't clear like they were once before; and I'm trying hard to remember, but all I see are fragments that won't come together. It may be because I was in the Change when some or most of this was happening. When I came out, my memories were dimmed and clouded again.
If I think hard enough, some things come back, but others don't, and it's all out of sync.
As you can read, I'm kind of all over the map with this right now.
And I need to put things in proper order and into their respective time frames, and I will do that and soon.
I promise, I'm not suffering from brain damage..just lack of memory.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
