If anyone has any suggestions on a WAS that is in hurry to end it, I would love to hear them. Especially any tactics I could use to get him to slow down.
I wish I could help you! I need some suggestions, too. My WAH also wants to move out and I want to slow down the process. My DB coach said I should talk about this as "breathing space" and not call it or think of it as separation so as not to weigh me down...I have only been married 2 years, though and have no children...so your situation seems more dire than mine. Is there any way you could suggest that he live in another room in the house for the time being while you put your DB steps into action?
Me30 H29 M2.5 T5 H moved out 1/23/2010 H wants signed agreement 3/30/2010 ...feeling hopeless
trytryagain, Sorry that you find yourself here, but there is a lot of great people to give advice. I'm still pretty knew, and not doing very well at the DBisting. I have tried to get him to move back in even as seperated, and he refuses. I'm pretty sure he is having an affair, but no proof.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
Need help staying focused. H is moving so fast. He keeps telling me he wants to move on as soon as possible. Luckily he has taken the kids to Las Vegas this weekend to see his sister, so I will have some much needed alone time.
I really feel that for my own sanity, I need to find out if there is OW or not. If there is, I think I would change my attitude about being separated, and able to let go more affectively. I know I would be devastated, but I still think it helps to know the truth. If there is no OW, then I can assume my H is just really depressed, possibly MLC. Knowing this, I think I would feel differently as well. Be friendlier with him and have more patience.
I would love to hear from others that are separated, where spouse is having an affair or is not. And any techniques that they feel has really helped them to get positive feedback or has caused the WAS to slow down the break-up process.
I am really sorry you are here, but you will receive very good advice.
My W decided to end our M without any warning and to this day I am still devastated even after 15 months! I haved never proved it but I am pretty sure when was/is now involved with OM and our relationship has ended completely - no emails, no texts, nothing. She filed for D within two months of dropping the bomb - no discussion, no mediation, no counselling. It was as though she just turned off a light switch. Our divorce is in two weeks and I am not looking forward to seeing her as I still love my love even after all she has done.
For you I would give your H as much space as you can. I was given this advice but I DB'ed very badly, though to be honest my W was gone even if I had followed DB to the letter, she would still have filed as she had made her mind up. You have to decide whether you would want your H back if he is involved in an affair, or is it a dealbreaker for you. Trust is crucially important in a relationship - could you trust your H if he came back to you?
Try and fill you time with things to do - gym, clubs, friends, anything to take your mind off your situation. Take it from me it is the toughest thing to do, and I still suffer from depression now, but there is no other way around this. Take one day at a time, prepare your future for just you and your child and let your H alone, it is hard but from my experience it is the correct strategy at the moment.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
