In my new life I'm making (GAL), I'm getting how easy it is for the WAS to move on. I've jumped in deep to my new identity as a runner, my new friends, new future with no reminders of my past life with WAS, it's easy not to miss him. With my new friends that don't know WAS at all, there are no reminders, no questions. I can live in my "fantasyland" of no pain. Feels good. Then, back to reality at home with all the reminders and it sucks. I get a question from someone of how it's going... back to reality. Running away feels better. Huh, the fog is pretty darn comfortable. Whaddaya know?
Just mentioning...
M40, H39 M17 T20 D13, S12 H moved out 05/09 D filed 1/10
Oh, hey, I LIKE that!!! We live on a river, and there's a bike path around it, that goes through my neighborhood. Sometimes I just sit out front and admire!!! But, it would be nice to get a closer look. I might have to consider this...
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Yes, the WAS life can be very enticing. Just remember that the point of GAL, etc is so that you can become the best version of DbD. If you don't continue to work on you then you'll just face the same problems in your next R.
But DO enjoy the new friends and new hobbies by all means! And you'll find that it becomes easier to deal with real life because you're happier and you don't need all the bad stuff, you've let go.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Thanks for stopping by Pearl. And thanks for the reminder of the point of GAL. I appreciate the encouragement in keeping on the right path.
I am still working on me and becoming the best version of myself. I'm trying to be careful and have realized lots of what was wrong in the R. I'm seeing it more as a blessing in disguise.
I am enjoying my freedom, friends and hobbies... all the things I couldn't before. It is so much easier to deal with life without the bad stuff or control he had over me.
M40, H39 M17 T20 D13, S12 H moved out 05/09 D filed 1/10
DbD. Never run away from your problems. For where ever you go. You will be there. Face them. Run with them. Overcome them. And Finish. Then enjoy the moment of defeating doubt yet again.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
What a tough week it's been for me. Got a barrage of emails from STBX trying to push my buttons and fight with me. It's been hard not to get provoked. How lovely that he wished me a wonderful weekend.
Then, OWXH sends me another email thru FB letting me know that STBX and OW are going to get married and he wished me a happy v day. I checked into my settings on FB and finally blocked him. I thought I had those privacy settings done right... now I do. Don't need to know that stuff from him and he's only poisoning me. Who knows if OW said that to him to get to him. Ick. I'm worried that if I send him a message saying to no longer contact me, it might lead to another message from him. Might have my L send him a letter.
On top of all this my dad is mad at me over me telling him to back off of telling D13 how to respond to her dad. So now he's not talking to me. I had to protect her from being pushed to fight with him and tell her dad off. She still needs to respect him simply because he is her dad. I don't want any more trouble anyhow as he is accusing me of alienating "his" kids. I did respond saying he's doing it all by himself with his behavior.
I'm having a hard time dealing with what should happen with kids and STBX. He's being an immature jerk with them and fighting with them. He keeps threatening them saying they are getting me in trouble with the court. He now told D13 he is taking her horse away and will make her go to public school instead of parochial school "because she disrespected him and is ungrateful". I wrote him to stop threatening her... played into his hands I guess. I also told him he will have to pay child support. Tells me happy job hunting! He is in such a fighting and controlling mood.
I did have the kids TM their dad happy v day and for D to say sorry for disrespecting him. She had hung up on him as he was yelling at her and told him he was a very mean man. He really flipped out over that. I'm just wanting for them to give him respect just for his position as their father.
It's just ugly. In a sense I feel the kids need to DB him as their dad to keep their relationship going. I think it will keep things from getting uglier and from him turning on me if they get along better.
M40, H39 M17 T20 D13, S12 H moved out 05/09 D filed 1/10
I have read your post and was trying to think of what to respond to first!
I guess (((HUGS))) are first!! Then about the parent alienation accusation...you were right on to let him know he is the one doing the alienating! I hope your L is all over that in case his L brings that up (alienation). And you are letting your L know of all the crap your STBX is saying to your kids. I know you are.
He is just making this soooo much worse for himself it is insane!! I mean don't you want to wrap him up in a bow and say to OW "he's ALLLL YOOOOOOURS!" you KWIM...
Who knows if STBX and OW are getting married. Good job figuring out how to block OWXH!
So what is the latest with your kids going to counseling? I forgot what you said about that...would STBX go with them?
You can only avoid contributing to their dislike of their father but you can't "make" them act a certain way toward him. So don't pressure yourself with trying to control if they got along better then it will keep things from getting uglier.
I would think avoiding crying or getting angry about him in front of the kids would help and I bet you aren't doing that.
And it was good that you tried to encourage them to text their dad on V day although THE PARENT should reach out to the CHILDREN! He should have done it first!
(pet peeve of mine for the estranged parent to expect a 12 or 13 year old to make the first move...grrrrr!!!!)
Last edited by newmama; 02/16/1005:30 AM.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I checked into my settings on FB and finally blocked him. I thought I had those privacy settings done right... now I do. Don't need to know that stuff from him and he's only poisoning me. Who knows if OW said that to him to get to him. Ick. I'm worried that if I send him a message saying to no longer contact me, it might lead to another message from him.