I thought it was depression for my W. After every birth, they always ask a mother if she feels depressed. My W would always say no, but they kept calling...
The MC we saw tried to get her to get help, but while she went, she wouldn't open up. Eight months later, she starts IC and later a self-esteem group.
My IC said that with self esteem, my W (and maybe yours) would pull you close, find that she isn't worthy or another excuse, then push you away. Does that sound familiar?
I've been told I "bullied" her into counselling, saying that I would D if she didn't, but I got her to go. She has said before that she feels that she is acting mean, but she 'had to'. In truth, I was not sure when I did this if I wanted to keep trying anyhow, but I can't leave the mother of my kids screwed up and walk away. I may not love her, but I do care a lot.
It seems a lot harder for you - she's driving this one. Did you manage to figure out some of the things you did wrong in the M and do "180s" and turn them around? Can she imagine your life happier if she returned?
For herself, I hope she gets to an IC to show her how much she can change, including making a bad (married or not) relationship with you into something better.
Maybe not a size 4, but a 6? The house might be sellable if you can agree. One thing I told my W was that whether we stay together or not, the house has got to go - to many memories.
Are you still living together?
Maybe some work on being empathic to her might bring her more out of her shell? I've tried that on my W. It helped. Not enough to not need an IC, but enough to help her agree to get an IC. Stuff like, "I know you've felt trapped for a while, it must feel like cra*. Can we try to figure out ways for you to be stronger for the kids?"
