Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

Brief update. Nothing really new to report with W. All is quite for now. Not sure if that is good or bad. Suppoed to me later this week (finally) to discuss house, finances, etc. Everytime I have wanted to mee she has been busy and when she wants to me I have been working. Passive aggressive behavior.

Continue to GAL and work on my life. Speding a lot of time at new job and second job. Free time consists of exercising, church, going out with friends, walking my dogs, reading, etc.

Feel better each day but I continue to have mmixed feelings each day on my sitch and the future. Talked to a friend who said my W said she just needed to get away and live with her family for a while to think about things. Said my W said she needed to get away from the stress from the past couple of years. Never mentioned anything about D, just that she needed time to think and try to escape the stress...said she felt like she hit a wall. So basically my W told this friend that she just needed some time away to get herself together. Different story then my W told me...told me she wants a D. Anyway, we still have not met or talked about why my W left. Friends and her family said it was just because of stress and my lack of a job for the past two years.

Best think I beleive i can do at this point to try to save the M is to just continue to stay away and give my W space. Sure, I could be upset that she left but what good would that do at this point. Instead I try to put myself in my W's shoes and how SHE feels. I know the past few years have been a stressful time for both of us. I can imagine my W felt frustrated that I could not move past the end of my company and that I was depressed and didn't find a new job. Again, that's all water under the bridge at this point. I have now been able to move on from those past stresses. I am definitely not the same man that my W remembers from 4 months ago when she left. Would be great if she recognized this and would talk to me about saving M instead of closure to M. Perhaps in time...patience is what I keep telling myself.

I continue to wonder how long I will be willing to wait for my W. At what point do I make friends with other women? When the time comes I will know. However, I do not believe that I should be in any rush to so do and just give up on a 19 year R with my W. How could I? I beleive what is required here is patience and understanding. I try not to make this about me but instead try to do what is best for my W which I beleive is to give her space and time. I continue to be NC unless she texts me about something. IMHO I beleive it's a fine line between wanting to "fight" for my M and being smart enough to know when to just back off. I believe right now I just need to continue to back off.

Mentally and physically I feel pretty good. I have been keeping busy and enjoy going out and having fun with friends and family. it would be much more fun to do these things with my W. Maybe one day...maybe one day.

Thanks for listening.