trapt-Thanks for the encouragement. I will try to remember that time is different for him. Sometimes that is hard to understand.
snodderly-Everyone's advice is sinking in slowly. I think I was on a little bit of a high after our reconnection the other night but reality is settling in a bit. Today, I'm trying to prepare myself for whatever happens. In a way it is kind of sad, you expect when you finally get to this point that everything will just start falling into place, kind of like when you first fall in love....I am learning that it just doesn't work that way.
TCBTE-I don't know if you remember but my H filed D papers. He was convinced or trying to convince himself that we were over. You don't really know what the future has in store...just live your life for you now and eventually things will fall into place.
W2S-We started going to our C right after we separated. My H only went a few times and then went AWOL but I continued going for the next year without my H. We have been going to the same C somewhat consistately for MC now for a couple of years and have really improved our communication. If it weren't for our C (and this board), we would definately be divorced because he encouraged me to give my H more time. I can accept my H for who his is now as long as he is respectful and attempts consistancy. I can act "as if" he is not broken and I have not been broken hearted as long as there is forward movement although I know there will be backslides along the way.
HB-My H has been a "drop-in" for several years now. For a long time his steps had been one step forward and then one step back. He finally started taking 2 steps forward and only one step back finally giving us movement in the right direction. Now after almost 2 years of MC, I gave him an deadline of the year end to move back. He planned on moving back but obviously did not and we had relatively NC for almost 6 weeks (a very long time for us). While I know deadlines and ultimatums are frowned upon here, my H now says he understands that I was allowing him to have the best of both worlds and it wasn't fair. I need to let him set the pace now. I know he is afraid and has anxiety. I have pushed in the past and it definatley got me no where.
r22-IMO, baby steps are confusing since they might mean something or might mean nothing. I wouldn't put a whole lot of time or thought into them now. In hindsight, you will know what they mean.
Lfw & tf-That is a very wise man in that story.
Thank you all so much for your insight and counsel. I will do my best to follow your advice however I know I am still on the rollercoaster so please forgive me if I have some ups and downs.
