Question

[awest1217]

I haven't been asking him about coming home. I just mention "when he comes home" stuff. Like "when you come home we will need to get rid of some stuff" because we will have two of everything...stuff like that.

Today we hung out again all day. It was nice. We had fun. Went shopping to get S new shoes. Had dinner with MIL and her mom. Watch a movie while S took his nap and layed together on the same couch (big thing that we stopped doing after we got married because we never had a couch big enough for both of us to sit). It was overall a nice night.

I did however want to ask my questions and didn't know how. H noticed I was perplexed and asked what was the matter. I said I had some questions for him, but didn't want to ruin the weekend. He said go ahead and ask. So I asked "are you planning on coming home?" He said I don't know. He said he wants to come home, but he is scared to hurt me again because he wants to stay friends with OW. I then brought up my concern with OW and her husband being gone this up coming weekend. He said they would probably hang out. He said at least I am being honest, which is a huge step and I told him that, but now I am not knowing what to do. He is honestly going to wait until the last minute and he has 27 days to move out of the house (actually he was thinking trying to move out by March 1, which is 14 days). He says they don't hang out as much, but now OW's H is going to be gone every other weekend. He not once acted like he was going to stop for me. I even said that is what bothered me about this (completely calm I might add, yea me) is that he won't even let go of this friendship to make us work. I said I think things are going great between us and that we are so much closer than we have been in a while. I also said I was glad that he could finally tell me the truth although I disagree with it. He also said he knew I would accept him if he came home, but my brothers wouldn't and that bothered him so he didn't want me to have to make that decision. I told him I already knew I wouldn't get to hang with my brothers much, but they are protecting me and he said he understood that.

We ended up getting off the topic once I had gotten my answer and we went through some follow up questions. Ultimately nothing has changed. I said how I don't understand how he sees nothing wrong with what he is doing. I let him know exactly the truth, but also let him know I believe he can do what needs to be done, if he really wants us to work. We spent some more time watching TV. He kept asking if he could help me in any way get stuff ready for tomorrow. We put S to bed. He then gave me a long hug and said how much he enjoyed this weekend, thank you, and that he loves me a lot. He then text me not too long ago once again saying what he said in person.

I just know in a few weeks I am going to have to tell the love of my life he can't come home, and it hurts because we...he has come far, but he just won't let this go, but I deserve better. I am scared again and hurt and sad because although he is being honest, the tone in his voice let me know he is never going to give up OW. He even said her, her husband, and us could hang out. I said no way. This is going to be a hard month, but I am strong and maybe...just maybe his love for me will win out...but honestly I doubt it.