#2: WAH separated from us & I'm on the DBing path

[rr22]

On the other hand, if my H was walking around bragging about his dating plan to my friend, which I think you said your H had done, I'd be fantasizing all kind of things I could do to metaphorically slap him in the face. So I'm certainly not judging you.

[flowmom]

It is one block and two beers away at all times.

Thanks for the giggle and the warning. Can you tell I'm confused?

[rr22]

You don't realize how early you are in the separation. You're making progress to be beyond outright nastiness at this point.

[rr22]

No problem. I've just read revenge fantasies are a phase. And believe me I had quite a few in the first months.

Also, I remember I think it was you mentioning what a hardbody your H is. Not to be rude, but so what? What happiness has it gotten him? It just seems like something to judge yourself unfavorably against for no reason.

[flowmom]

On the other hand, if my H was walking around bragging about his dating plan to my friend, which I think you said your H had done, I'd be fantasizing all kind of things I could do to metaphorically slap him in the face. So I'm certainly not judging you.

He wasn't bragging to her, just being open about his desire to date. More importantly, he casually mentioned dating as "something he hasn't done yet" last week to me, as if it was something that he was fully intending to do. Having a fling wouldn't be revenge for me, it would be simply not depriving myself of the freedom and enjoyment that my H apparently feels entitled to now that we're separated. I think that's what my IC wants to talk to him about.

[rr22]

If I did that now, I could not deny it was in some small percentage revenge for me. But we're different people.

[rr22]

My H has said about the future once "you'll bring whoever you're dating" or something like that about something and I was just like, puhlease. Stop acting like you don't care. I seriously doubt if I showed up somewhere today with one of your buddies on my arm you would not freak out. I just get tired of the "I'm so over it" macho act. And it is somewhat an act. Even if he was having a flaming A tomorrow, he would still care. It's silly to say otherwise at this point. Maybe in another year he won't care ...

[Onthemountaintop]

But if H is not having an A, he is planning to (when he talks about dating he is talking about sex).

He may be. But he hasn't yet.

[newmama]

Flowmom, it's interesting that your IC wants to talk to him about "dating" boundaries. I have read sitches on here where the separation was open in the sense both spouses could date. So whatever you choose my dear, is up to you and we need to butt out.

But I had to add that I am not interested in dating... Yet I met a male friend online 3 months ago on a different infidelity forum. We both love our spouses and were sharing our sitches. Here is the progression:
message on the forum-emails--> texts--->phone calls
-talk about our spouses-->talk about ourselves-->oops--sex talk?-nah, we were just kidding around...right?
-his W filed for D, mine hasn't (yet) so one of us is "available"

I found myself thinking "too bad he lives on the east coast" and the very next thought was "HOLY MOLY-this is THE slippery slope!" and felt instant regret and then had a clear understanding of how vulnerable I am to any attention of a kind male. And my male friend is in the same boat...vulnerable. I have decided to not date during this separation so I cooled the jets as soon as that fantasy thought hit. Sorry I hijacked your thread!!!

[flowmom]

newmama, the internet is a very powerful medium of communication. I have many friends in my city who I feel super close to because of getting to know them via a mothering forum before meeting them IRL. I know so much more about them because of how the internet promotes self-disclosure. And I feel more confident around them because I feel that they know the "inside me", not just the "outside me". I've never used the internet to communicate with men for dating/flirtation purposes, but I can imagine the progression.