Where in the world did that come from !!!

[sandi2]

No condemnation here, my friend. I just want you to be happy. If you have peace and are ready to make a new life--then that is a much better place than where a lot of people are right now. Please don't ever feel that you disappointed anyone on the board.

If you have time to post and to help others, that would be great. I do think that letting go of the past and pressing forward into your future would be most refreshing for you. You sound really good and I wish you all the best.

Sandi

[blownaway65]

Thank you so much Sandi.

It still hurts, and that will take a long time to fade, but I feel I'm really getting to a new and better place.

My family, mum & dad, brothers & sisters are all noticing the new Rod, and they are so happy for me too which is terrific.

And I am GAL'ing so well. Went to a Karaoke place a couple of towns over last night. Had an absolute ball. Finally it's not about being a better person for W, it's about being a better person for me & for the kids.

I will make sure that I make the time to stick around here, you guys have all helped so much to get my life back on track, not the way I originally hoped for, but it will be what I make it, and right now it's not a direction I expected but it's one that I am happy with.

Take care everyone.

[avermont]

Well, gee Blownaway, I just read thru your whole thread.

Must be something in that great Aussie attitude towards life--you seem like you accepted, healed, and moved on very quickly.

I'm glad you were able to make those mental transitions so fast. And quitting smoking on top of it all--that's huge!

You are an inspiration to me. Maybe I can blame my slow process on gloomy New England skies and glum attitudes, vs. your sunny Aussie outlook?

Quite the story. Thanks for sharing.

[blownaway65]

Not sure if this is one of the "stages" I have to go thru on this journey, but W is really irritating me at the moment !

She wanted the kids to have her old car, and while they initially declined, common sense prevailed and they are now driving it around. 2 days ago S21 had to drive to a town about 60 miles away for something to do with his license. Anyway he got halfway home and blew a tyre. Presto no Jack in W's crappy old car so I get the phone call "Dad can you come and help me out ?". So off I go during the middle of work to get him going again.

Then in the last 2 days D17 has started her job at the Dental Surgery where W works. Bear in mind W only wanted D17 to have the job so they would get closer and D17 would forgive her for the whole WAW thing. So D17 has to get the bus straight after school - only a few miles but the school won't let her because she doesn't live in that town. So guess who has to stop work last 2 days and drive her over to work. Yep poor old Dad.

I know they're only small things, but it just irks me that W has her life now, doesn't want anything to do with raising the kids, and yet at the same time everything she tries to do to get back chummy with them just causes me more work !!!

Thanks for the vent.

[blownaway65]

So I had the first big test tonite with my Coffee Friend. Lets just call her Jo (cos that's her name).

We've been out a few times in the last weeks, I've spent a weekend at her place, yep we bumped bodies like teenagers, and we are really getting on like a house on fire.

D17 wanted to cook dinner for Jo tonight. Of course she chose about the most difficult thing she could to make, boufe bourguignon. Took her 4 hours, and she wouldn't let me help at all.

Not exactly sure what her motivation was, after all Jo is a professional cook by trade. She told me she just wanted to do something nice. Anyway it was really important to me that Jo and the kids all get on OK together, and the great news is that they really did. I just sat back and watched them all, only took a little while and they were all at ease with each other. I'm so stoked about the whole thing.

After Jo had left, the kids all told me that they really liked her and that I had a real catch.

How good is that !!!

[blownaway65]

So why am I so confused now.

What I know:

- I've completely dropped the rope with W and am happy for her.
- There's no way W is coming back.
- There's no way I could ever have her back - don't want her.
- The kids are OK with me & W going our separate ways.
- I'll be OK starting over no matter what happens with the house.
- I really enjoy being with Jo.
- She really enjoys being with me.
- The kids really like her.
- My family really like her.


I tossed and turned all night last night, don't think I got a minutes sleep. WTF is going on in my head ???

[pearlharbr]

It's a big change. You're still adjusting. I think it's normal to have some days where you're unsettled.

Is there something specific keeping you up or just general unease?

[blownaway65]

Yeah, it is a really big change. Maybe it's my morals catching up with me.

I took my M vows seriously, and regardless of what W has or hasn't done, I find myself technically in an A and breaking them.

I think part of it is feeling guilty about sleeping with another woman while I'm still married (and will be till at least August).

Also feeling a bit guilty with the kids. I rang them on the way to work this AM and they hadn't got themselves up so missed the bus. Since the bomb, I've been the parent whose been there for them ALL THE TIME, and now that I'm starting to do my own thing I guess I'm feeling that I'm letting them down a bit.

I know they should be able to get themselves organised, I mean they're 16 & 17 so I shouldn't have to be doing everything for them, I s'pose it will just take some time for me and them to adjust to changed responsibilities.

Thanks Pearl.

[pearlharbr]

If you're feeling like you're cheating then perhaps you need to slow things down. Personally I think it's ok since you're only technically married. But if your guilt is kicking in then take a few days by yourself and see how you feel after that.

As for the kids, they're teenagers! If they can't handle getting themselves up for school by now then they're going to have a lot of problems once they're out of the house. Being a good parent means teaching them to be responsible for themselves. They missed the bus this time so next time they'll know better. Remember, if you choose the actions you choose the consequences.

[avermont]

You are going thru a heck of a lot of changes right now, BA.

Adjusting, happy, guilty,letting go, falling in love (or at least having fun with a fun person!) mad about having to do so much for the kids--it all has to be a big emotional stew, and I have to bet that's normal.

Maybe the most important thing for you, Jo, the kids--is to remember all the work you have done along the way. Be honest. Be open. Acknowledge your feelings and what you need/can do/can't do.

Breathe and go step by step.