Going straight forward...antlers 6th thread.

[sandi2]

Antlers I wished so much that I could honestly give you a lot of hope of saving this M, but I think your W has too many encouraging her to follow through with the D procedures. Think about who will gain "anything" from this (or who has hard feelings toward you) and you'll have an idea what she's up against. I have a feeling that her lawyer has already warned her that you might try to sweet-talk your way out of this. When you told her that you still loved her (and I'm not saying you shouldn't have....but just saying what she may have thought) then she already had that seed of doubt planted in her mind.

When she finally decided to leave the M, she was so angry & hurt...and she obviously is still very angry. I would not doubt that she doesn't have help keeping her anger stirred up. How long will it be until the D will be final?

I believe the anger is what fuels her energy and if she didn't have that, she would probably fear she couldn't go through with it. But anytime she should bring up the subject of your feelings for her, I think you should stick to the truth....that you do love her still, but that you don't expect anything from her. You can still choose to love her, right? And....you told her this after you had told her that you wanted 50% custody of the kids, so that statement doesn't appear to be out of spite over her not responding favorably to the ILY.

When it comes to our children, it will stir our emotions like nothing else. If she thinks you have told the kids anything that contradicts her or is negative about her, she is going to react almost violently about it. But, you know, they could have said something about what you "might" have thought or said and she took to be something you actually "did" tell somebody and perhaps that is where she's getting "those lies you told". IDK, just a thought, and it may be a long time before she will believe the truth.

I am glad that you followed Coach's advice and told her that you still loved her b/c you will always know that you told her again, and if the kids ever ask....you can tell them what you said to her. Wished I could talk as positive as Coach does! I'm just concerned that she will not be able to turn lose of so much anger until after the D. Hopefully she can begin to heal and won't subbornly hang on to this unhealthy anger.

I suppose the girls are still in their mother's corner. I think I might have told you this some time ago, but some day they will see the man you've become and they will make their own decisions about how they want to feel toward you. I have had to wait for two people reach adulthood before they finally knew the truth about something that happened in their lives.....so that time comes, but it takes patience.

Whenever you text your W about legal things, I believe you need to show as little emotion as possible, but I am sure I would have said almost the same as you did about custody of the kids. Like I said, who cannot get emotional about that? But from now on, she will realize that you are not afraid of her reactions and that you will fight for you children.

I am not much help, but I'm here for you. I really hope all the best in the world for you, Antlers. I think you have done a wonderful job in turning yourself around. Some lucky lady will appreciate that some day! Your children will also.