Answers to some great questions asked by trytryagain:
Why do I want this marriage to work? a. Well…I know I wouldn’t stay married to her if kids weren’t a factor. As I write this, I am feeling my first ever SENSE OF LOSS feeling if I lived my life alone. She loves me, what if no one could love me as much? When I imagine my life without her though, it seems so much better. ANSWER… I’m trying to fix this M to avoid hurting others and because I think D is an absolute last resort. I am not doing this for me. I’m changing me so I could be a better spouse to anyone, not for her and because I think I ought to try. (ouch – pretty harsh to write it!) God willing, if a deep love develops, I think in the future I’d be working on maintaining the R for me.
What do I think I need to make this marriage work well and choose to love my W unconditionally (I want to be able to give love, not just get it. I want that love to guide my actions. I understand that love is my choice to develop, hers to encourage.) a. I want to be able to feel that my W is my partner in crime, not a ‘co-criminal’. That we’d help each other pray, encourage patience when angry with the kids, etc…basically working together, not as job roles b. I need help keeping up with basic living needs (appointments, planning for the future together, finances) c. I want to feel I compromised my opinion/decision, not that I lost or that she gave up d. I want to feel that my W is enough to get my physical needs met in 10 or 20 years (she takes care of her health) e. I want to feel my complaints are considered/listened to fully f. I want to feel trusted by her in our parenting or other differences g. I want to have some independence back and not feel I need to parent her or teach her how to do things h. I want to have meaningful conversations with her about things that interest her or I
Does this list seem more like a list about me that can lead to better choices, or is it blaming?
