Fighting and misunderstandings in a marriage is all a part of living with someone whose mind you cannot read. Two people, two different minds.


You don't have to have a good reason to love someone, you just choose to, and do it. I don't know what your beliefs are, but God is that way with us...He doesn't have a good reason to love us; He just does.

And I prayed that He would work within my heart to strengthen the choice I made to love my husband. Those prayers were answered; though my heart was very hard for a long period of time.


My feelings of love for my husband DID return after a period of time; so did his.
When I chose, then acted accordingly, and he responded to me showing him love once again, things began to turn around with me and with him.
His feelings for me, during MLC were buried and deep..and many strange things were said that clued me in to what was going on with him. I never got the "speech" everyone else has gotten, but he stopped telling me he loved me, refused to have anything to do with me...

And then when I got what I was supposed to do, I changed my attitude toward him..as long as I begged, cried and clung..he ran as hard as he could run from me, as you can't love nor respect someone who is clingy. I became more independent, going on with my life as if he wasn't in it. That gave him space to examine his own feelings, etc. Plus, it wasn't interfering with his journey.

I also had to make myself attractive to him to draw him back to me, kind of like it was when we first met; men are sight oriented BEFORE they are emotionally involved. Women are another story, they want their emotional needs met and that leads to falling in love. Yet, if he'd made up his mind to leave, there would have NOTHING I could have done about it...and I had to be willing to lose all in order to gain something back. So, what did I have to lose? As long as he seemed to have no feeling for me, NOTHING.

We ended up starting all over again, just like we did when we first met; began to meet each other's needs(and these are not all sexual, that's a whole other subject)..in time we fell in love once again.


Things turned around, but they took TIME..there is NO quick fix for falling in and out of love. If you don't love someone, you can't force it to happen; and you can't force someone to love you. And if people don't understand that love is a choice, you've really got an uphill battle.


Now, make NO mistake; I was one angry woman before I began to change...always asking how he could do what he was doing, and why did I have to be the one to change?
But, my commitment was strong, holding me when my love was weakening and there was some love left for the man, so I went about the process of changing myself, as I could NOT change him. And so I learned a great deal about what I needed to do to grow..and then it became NOT about him..but about ME, and what I could do to improve myself, regardless of whether the marriage made it or not.

I realize that last paragraph doesn't answer your question..but that is how I was led to falling out of love with my husband...and coming back to the choice I made to love him, regardless.

I hope this helps. smile It makes me wonder though..are you in the least bit attracted to her, even after 11 years? I know the marriage was arranged, but you've not been able to feel anything for her?

Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.