I am interested in opinions on the following . . .
The problems between my wife and I began with an emotional affair that started in May of 2009 and ended in late June (or so I am told). From that point on I have been told that the EA has nothing to do with my wife's desire to end our marriage. Now its all about "I care about you but have no feelings for you" ( I don't actual even get the "I Love You Part of ILYBNILWY).
How important is it to get at the truth? I suspect that the EA may still be going on but I have no way of knowing for sure. If I ask she will deny it - If a press the issue it turns into a fight and a relationship talk. The rules say no snooping, don't discuss the relationship.
So, does it matter? Do I need to know? Sometimes I feel like there is more to the story than I am being told. I feel that she would not be so determined otherwise.
Any thoughts?
How important is it? It's EVERYTHING.
Consider:
- If she IS still having an affair (whether it's EA or PA), it is affecting her emotions and her decision-making physiologically. That's a FACT. It would mean her affair is awash with PEAs ("love" chemicals), and she is in the resultant fog that would mean you should largely dismiss her feelings as "affair fog."
- If she is NOT still in contact, and has been no-contact for at least a few months, then her marital complaints and emotions toward you are exponentially more legitimate, and you should factor that into your decision-making.
The "no snooping" thing is really "no ONGOING snooping," as it will only make you nuts. But there are times when it makes good sense, and I believe this is one of those times (when trying to make a potentially life-changing decision about fighting for your marriage, or to confirm supposed "no-contact").
I would say that it's time to find out, independently.
