Yes, if you do - you can. If you don't want to - you can't and won't.
There are different kinds of love. Initial infatuation passionate love releases chemical stimulants in the brain - narcotics. In most cases this subsides over the period of a couple years, for physical chemical reasons - not because there is a failure in the R.
Imagine becoming addicted to this chemical and realizing it is absent now, for a long time. You might want to do something in life to get another fix. Or you didn't know it was missing, until someone at work shows you some interest and you feel the rush of a fresh release of these chemicals. You believe it is emotional and part of a new R you must pursue. That happens to a lot of people, even though this is not what you are describing. It is predictable in a new infatuation. It will subside. You would then face the same question all over again. Do I want this?
People that stay together past those first couple years, have kids and make a life, should expect to grow old together and transition naturally into the lasting love shared in long term M. But people don't alwasy expect the same thing in life, and don't fully understand what the other person expects. With some effort, mutual expectations, and effective communication, that chemical release can be restored as you rediscover each other - no matter how the M began.
What happens when the kids grow up and don't need the parents? Does one or both parents look in the mirror and ask "what about me - when is it my turn?" Are you asking that question? Do you feel you have always had to live for everyone else, and now it is your turn? Life is too short. If so, it could be said that you are staring at MLC. That does not mean you must turn your world upside down. You may be staring at a typical life stage of transitioning to the next phase. That can happen without making life a crisis for yourself and all those in your life.
At a wedding anniversary of a couple married well past their 50th milestone, the husband was asked what the secret was to a lasting M. His answer was that they never fell out of love at the same time. Of course today many M end in D because only one person feels the love has ceased and they are unwilling to do the work to restore it. Maybe they think they tried, although they never discussed these feelings or alleged efforts with their spouse.
What we focus on expands. Asking yourself what love is can have a different outcome than reminding yourself what you love about her, your M, your family, your life together. What do you want to expand?
My grandparents were M more than 50 yrs and went to different churches every Sunday of their life. She was often dominating and demanding. He was a man who could carry a large load of her words around without effort. He strengthened himself to the differences, and chose to be blessed by the good things.
It would be interesting to hear him answer your question.
He wouldn't have known about the book "The Five Love Languages" back then. It has helped many people explore their different styles of expressing or feeling loved. Not understanding this leads couples to miss signals, hurt each other, and become hurt. Understanding the differences and learning to use them in a positive way helps people love and feel loved more easily. Improved communication styles opens a lot of doors. That is only one of many great books and resources out there.
Counseling can help steer the progress if two people want to do some work. It doesn't mean either of you is broken and neither should expect to be "the winner" in the process. You should both hope to become better partners and in that way, both winners.
I didn't answer your question. It is a tough one. You will have to find your own answers. Give it time.
