Well, Onthemountaintop, when it comes down to it, love is a CHOICE, not exactly a feeling...that's one of the things you learn while going through this. Trying to figure out what you feel is difficult especially when MLC is involved. But it really does come down to a choice. Committment is what holds the marriage together when the love isn't there...how much do you have for this marriage?
Love doesn't stay the same throughout the many years of marriage a couple goes through; it strengthens, lessens, waxes and wanes at times.
There were times I didn't love my husband at all, others I still loved him like I always did. That's an emotional rollercoaster that's ridden for awhile. And I can guarantee you he felt the SAME way about me.
When I made the CHOICE to love him no matter what, I stopped riding the roller coaster, and just did what I knew was necessary to try and bring my marriage back together.
It didn't matter what he did or didn't do for me, I still loved him throughout...and still do to this day. In August, we will be married 25 years.
You also have to realize that both people have the power to walk away at any time..you can't make someone stay if they don't want to. Love also means to "let go"; Works both ways. Makes it easier, or it did for me to realize that I had just as much power as he did to walk...but I didn't CHOOSE to.
That's my two cents worth.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
