So now he gets to have his soap opera life OR his family... you are an easy choice now...
So you make the choice harder.. make him work for it...
If he shows up and folds and offers you whatever you want.. DON'T take it... you hold out for a while until you are sure he means it... you tell him you will think on it... and that your children are your first priority... and he needs to start looking like a father and a husband... and he hasn't lately...
That's the key... YOU keep being a wife and a mother.. and HE looks bad... and he will know it...
No man wants to be a disgrace to his family... he will man-up to this soon, I can feel it... But you need to play cold right now... as cold as you can.
allen, you are giving some great advice to mb...keep it up mb. you are doing great and getting good results. i feel your husband will be coming around very soon :-)
Me: 28 H: 32 1st marriage 4 both 1 1/2 year married 2gether for 9 1S: 6months 1stepson: 2yo
Some time in the next four to six weeks if not sooner I expect him to come clean and try to charm his way back...
Take note : Your answer is NO.
Exposure is going to run for a while now.. lots of fires they are going to try to put out until they realize they can't...
Depending on what the OWH does this may run longer or shorter... I would try to contact OWH still... Invite him over.. compare notes.. tell your H you are in contact with him now too..
Those two now know everyone is now starting to talk about them and think ill of them....
The emotion they are slowly feeling is called
SHAME
It will grow on them like a disease and they will NOT like it.
He will try to charm his way back, but its too soon for that I think... I expect him to flail about for several weeks yet... making excuses and finger pointing in denial the whole way...
Allen A & Puppy, Thank you again for all the great advice. I'm more determined now to follow through with going dark, even though it's been very hard for me to do in the past. I feel that now with the exposure of the A, and knowing that their talking to each other more now then ever is all part of the process. Now is the time to make me the no drama choice.
NOTE: I did text H about 2 hours ago. However it was only to inform him that the dentist called for him. All I put was "Dentist called to remind you of your appt tom" He replied with "k". I hope that wasn't bad, I figured it was ok because it wasn't anything to do with us. And I do get all the messages, which he doesn't have access too.
Together 16 years Married 12 years Me 36 H 34 D9 & S6 Separated 12/3/09 Confirmed A 1/25/10 Exposed A 1/26/10 H hired L, but not filed yet 1/27/10
I would give all callers his cell number and tell them to contact him there.. he's using you as his secretary.. don't allow that.
he has no reason to not take calls directly.. he's taking advantage.. I would'nt say it is bad, but its not helping your case... in future if you get any calls that are forhim.. direct them to contact him on his cell and not to call you ... your H will notice he's gettin gcalls directly.. he wont like it, but hat's a good thing
You do seem toget it yes.. you are the no drama choice, but you are a backup choice as long as you are in that house... and if he can just come by at any time you need to get OUT of there so he needs to ASK if he can contact you.. you can't go dark in your own home... sorry but it doen'st work well
And those two are NOT talking right now, they are fighting... Trust me if YOu are not available, he will have no one to take his shame out on but the OW... and this is something you WANT.. so get out of that house... asap
Note : you going to someone ELSE's home who can help protect you from his affair will make going dark a LOT easier... why do this on your own when you don't have to?
A LOT of spouses try to do this on their own... its a LOT easier and more comforting to setup a safety zone from the affair and have your friend take your place why you support them maintaining their home... everyone wins except the affair partners...
I can't stress enough the value and impact you have on him when you are GONE from that house and have cut him OUT... it will plague him like you would not believe.. and he will have no choice but to take his panic out on the OW.. why would you NOT want to bring that to her door?
It's a solid punch in the gut to her... One shes due for in my opinion...
I am afraid you giving him a phone message may have done a bit of damage to your strong position on not wanting to talk to him while he's having an affair... its a mixed message is all...
YOu can repair this easily by sending him ONE more message saying :
"I am NOT taking anymore of your messages.. all calls are being redirected to your number.. I am NOT your doormat OR your secretary... take your own calls and leave me alone"
THAT will fix that mistake and you are back in business
MB, After my H and exbest friend's affair was exposed their conversations were not pleasant. She pretty much let him have it and cut all ties. They were in panic. I feel the same way my H was soooo worried about her feelings and protecting her...UMMM HELLO WIFE OVER HERE....what about me? But affairs are selfish.
