My UFO (unbelievably fabulous observations)

[hoosiermama]

What I just wrote was not intended to be a pity party. Not in the least. But I imagine some of you can relate.

Divorce--perhaps especially when one didn't want it--is a loss just as huge as a death. It ranks right up there on that Stress Scale a point or so lower than death of a spouse. But there's a level of support and compassion we receive when we are widowed that society does not provide to those left behind in a divorce. And we have feelings of shame, rejection, being discarded, being unlovable, dealing with children who are grieving and confused, and similar issues, and we will struggle with them for years to come.

A good book--The Journey from Abandonment to Hope. It helps in identifying these feelings and dealing with the grief unique to being left behind. Sometimes just identifying the feelings helps in resolving them--and that's why I mentioned all of this here. It's a complicated grief, an often unacknowledged grief (those of you who have dealt with infertility and perinatal loss, for example, understand unacknowledged grief) and for that reason alone can be very difficult to move through.