The adventure chronicles

[AFWAW]

Well, I finally took some action. I told the wife that I felt like I would regret it if I didn't give this another shot. She has 2 months left on her lease so I laid things out for her very clearly.

1. She has to go to counseling--I sat there as she called and sat up an appointment for this week. I told her that I wanted her to go to IC 2 times and then talk to her counselor about including me in future sessions.

2. She would not come in the house and demand respect from our daughter. I was very blunt with her--told her that D did not respect her based on her leaving and telling her that she had a BF. I advised her to try and win her daughter's respect back through being nice but not a pushover and to stop buying her stuff she doesn't need. She started to say that she was her mother and she had to listen to her. I said, I got that but you did this and if the type of relationship you want was to be in charge then don't expect much from her. I said she's a person who's entitled to her emotions and feelings just as much as you are and that she needed to take that into consideration. I told her to not make me be the middleman and that she was responsible for restoring her relationship--not me.

3. I told her she needed to control her anger and quit taking her bad days out on everyone around her. I explained to her that we all have bad days and that our D13 especially did not need to be exposed to this type of behavior as she would perhaps repeat it?

4. We keep our finances seperate. She pays half the mortgage, utilities, cable, child care, etc. She keeps her bills that she's accumlated since she's been gone and I keep mine. She didn't like this one but she agreed.

5. An STD check. I was very serious about this one--she said she understood.

6. I told her if it didn't work out then she would have to move back out. She said, she hoped it wouldn't be the case but that she would need time. I told her I would give her 30 days if it came to it--she agreed.

7. No funny business--no lunches with just one man, I said I understood group lunches but no meetings w/ just one man. No parties unless I came along, nothing that could be misunderstood. I said I would not tolerate any unexplained circumstance and that it would be over for good and I would never look back ever again--she agreed.

8. I told her that this was our home and she was not to try and control me at any time and I would not try and control her--there will be mutual respect. I work and if I want to come home and watch tv all day(I wouldn't) or do nothing(of course I wouldn't) then she had nothing to say about it. I said that I recognized her as a person and that I didn't want her to feel uncomfortable but I didn't want to be uncomfortable either. I further stated that if she wanted to do something or go somewhere, she should respect me enough to ask me if I wanted to be included and I would do the same. I told her that the temper tantrum thing wasn't going to work anymore and that I would not want to spend time with her if she reacted this way.

I told her I didn't trust her at all and that she was going to have to work to earn my trust back. I told her that I thought I could get past all that has happened but that it would take some time and she needed to respect me and the time that it takes.



She asked me what else. I said that's it for now, let's see how it goes. She thanked me for giving her another chance and said that she hoped it would work out. She has been going a bit overboard with cooking, cleaning and laundry. She has been super nice to our daughter asking her to do things instead of telling her. We'll see if it lasts.

So, that's about it for now.

I just felt that if I ended it I would regret it. I know others on here have tried reconciliation and have failed but we'll see.