I also agree. I think more of a monitored step by step approach would be useful for the newbies. Give them something they can handle, and have them come back and report results. As they regain their composure and start to get their confidence back, have them continue to strengthen their position.
In my case, I was nowhere near emtionally strong enough to "man up". I had been through two years of my W tearing me down, making me doubt myself, making me feel like every move I made was pushing her away and risking losing my kids. If I had known about DBing and this web site way back then, I think I could have done so much better from the beginning. As it was, by the time I found out about her A and OM, I was a wreck.
I am 95% sure in my case I could have temporarily busted my W's A and scared her back to me by taking a hard stance, i.e. cutting her off financially, emotionally, threatening exposure, etc. The problem is, it wouldn't have SOLVED anything. As soon as she felt secure again, she would have returned to her ways, and this time would have been much more secretive and careful before dropping the bomb, making sure she had a legal and financial plan in place.
Our MC told me she needs to be without me and OM for a while before she'll be in any sort of place to truly reconcile. She needs to figure things out on her own. She's kept both those plates spinning for almost two years now. I've finally walked away now, at least as much as I can considering we have three little kids together, and she has gone running back to OM. Until she faces life on her own and conquers her demons, there's nothing more I can do. Truthfully, I need to conquer a few demons myself.
