How do I expose the affair

[WhatNow]

nikblondiew,
You are so right, it is hard to keep those emotions under control. I guess that is why they call it a rollercoaster ride. All those different emotions really mess with GAL. One minute I'm determined to not contact H at all, and then the next I start trying to thing of reasons to contact him. I am getting better at not contacting, however I still want to (-:

I am worried about you and the stress you are putting on yourself!
Barriers (right now it is you) to an affair only enable and encourage. The full consequences of the A must be felt so the A can hit rock bottom. Let the current upset be theirs and stay out of it. Let her try to meet ALL of his needs. Let him see she can't. The only way to do that is to move out of the way!
Going dark is the hardest thing I have ever attempted. Every day that goes by without contact tho, makes you stronger and more at peace, and slows down the rollercoaster ride. Try handwriting in a journal, all the things you want to say to H. (It is too tempting to push the send button if done on the computer.) I know you want contact for many reasons, but taking the temperature of his chaos is destructive TO YOU and helps serve the drama of the A. Try listing the reasons you want to contact H, and how that contact will serve you and/or your M.
I'll start it for you:
1) To show him how his behavior is hurting you. In his current state, he will probably twist what you say into some kind of justification to make his behavior ok.
2) To take the current temperature of the A and M. He is on a rollercoaster too. Current temperature won't mean much, it will change quickly.
3) You miss your H and BF. He is not your H and BF at the moment. He is hurting you.

I know the resistance is hard to maintain but it does get better. You will begin to feel better after a week or 2 and that will encourage you to continue. You will also be setting a good example of NC for H! I think I posted my NC/Plan B letter. I made it clear to my H, I wanted M but not until he was done with OW. NC is soooo scary. There are no guarantees. But YOU WILL FEEL BETTER, calmer, more in control of yourself and your emotions! That alone has made it worth it to me. At least commit to it for 2 or 3 weeks, and watch what happens. I'm pulling for you.((((mb))))

P.S. By encouraging you, I find encouragement, so Thank You mb.