I knew I was mind-reading when I wrote about imagining H's reactions, I really do know better than that, I let myself bring myself down. Most of the time, I really don't care what he does. We're leaving each other alone now, and he's not hitting on me anymore. We are going to have to talk sometime to get the dissolution paperwork started though. But I think I want H to initiate that, that was my atty's suggestion, and I agree. (Don't be mistaken, it's a joint filing, I'm talking about H calling his atty to get the ball rolling.) Why waste my time and energy on it? If H wants a D, he can take an active role in our sitch and quit being a coward. I already did the hard part of moving out, he can do the hard work of calling his atty and saying start the paperwork.
I also know that I am just going to have to get over the dread of making the first move with my friends and family. I hate doing that, it's really uncomfortable for me, but I'll try... I was thinking about dropping some private notes to my cousins on my family FB account to let them know my new status and address. H and I agreed that we wouldn't have anything obvious about the split there, but if I send them privately, I don't think that will be a big deal. H did remove his "married" status, and I did the same after I realized that. I also want to get to the dog-park several times this week to meet some new people.
H looked like crap when I saw him yesterday, he was in the middle of a nap and didn't appear to be feeling great. (I'm sure I wasn't looking too hot either, but my excuse was that I had just spent 30 minutes at the dog-park in 20 degree weather with wind gusts, i.e. hat hair and really rosy cheeks!) All I could think when I saw him was "wow, nothing new..." For the last several years, H was run down and feeling poorly more often than he wasn't. Those were times I would feel uncomfortable in my own house, because he would be cranky and irritable, and I'd be trying not to disturb him. I don't miss that!
PS- you know it's cold in your apartment when the dog insists on a spot under the blankets in the bed at night instead of staying in her own doggie bed! I'll get pics posted of Jazzie and Chester soon. (Chester is less than thrilled that Jazzie licks his ears and smells his butt...)
