Great work on making it a good V-day for your kids, and for distracting yourself with friends.
My suggestion for when your H asks for your input is, use the opportunity to show that you listen to him and aren't trying to control the situation: just listen, validate ("It must hurt when son says..." or whatever), and leave it to him. Then tell yourself that it's his issue to work out and you have stopped micro-managing him, and erase it from your head.
I know what it's like when, the more your H pulls away, the more you feel the need to control, and it feels WONDERFUL to reach the point where you stop taking on excess responsibility. I had to do that for my H's spending and deteriorating relationship with the kids, as well, and made sure I didn't let myself stew about it. That way, on the rare occasion when I did feel I needed to say something, he was much more likely to listen.
