Destiny-this is the place to vent! Everytime you want to call him, come here and vent! Keep your convo's with him short and to the point...no R talk...I know frustrating and easier said than done but you will push him farther away if you don't!!!
What boundaries have you set?
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I called and it goes straight to voicemail. I am so very hurt and I know, it hurts because I have not set boundaries. I am trying to stick to all the GAL, but this is the hardest thing I have had to do, because I talk, I want to hear his voice. [/highlight] He is leaving for Afghanistan in 2 1/2 months [/highlight]. He left the house 7 weeks ago and I fear that he will deploy without any attempt to find solutions or to see if we can be a couple again.
I am scared that if we don't have any contact, how will he be able to observe the changes I am making? We don't have kids so there is no real interaction required.
I feel liking crying. I am. Me holding out for hope seems pointless. I love and miss him terribly.
What do I do?
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
I totally understand what you are saying about how he won't see any progress and it is bad that he is leaving soon but the one thing you have to do now that he WILL notice is to quit calling him.
Has he filed for divorce yet? If not, you still have that for you! Also, even if things were still going well in the M, you would still have to GAL while he was gone so you have to start working on that now!
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Thank you CW. I am not sure my H will notice that I stopped calling - not sure if it even matters. His sister told me that when he makes up his mind, there may be nothing I can do..
I need to refocus on the GAL and attempt to put this man out of my head. I saw my IC yesterday (yes, on Sunday, On V-Day) and she gave me homework:
1 - Read and focus on the Serenity Prayer 2 - Draft a list of the qualities that has changed in my H 3 - See my medical doctor and pursue anti-depressants 4 - Listen to a meditation CD (provided to me by my IC)
The CD is suppose to teach breathing techniques to help me calm down when I feel anxious. In addition, although I do not wish to take antidepressant meds, if it will help me keep from thinking about my H and angonizing 24 hours a day, I guess I should try it.
I am off of work today and plan to see my Dad. I may take him out to lunch and for a long drive. He can keep my mind on what's happening back in the old neighborhood. Good idea?
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Good job Destiny~ You already sound calmer! Your IC sounds like a good one! Yes, spend time with your Dad! I know that when I am feeling like you are I am thankful when I am around someone who loves me! Your H will notice and don't get discouraged if you don't hear from him for awhile. Try not to worry about what his sister told you...the focus is about YOU and ONLY you right now! You need to get to a better and stronger place. Take care of yourself!
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I love the Serenity Prayer. It has gotten me through many a dark day.
I understand exactly how you feel. I was doing the same thing as you are, convinced that my H would not even remember my name if I didn't bring it there.
And then I took myself out of my own eyes, and tried looking at it from a different perspective.
Try looking at it from someone who is not in the situation, but an outside observer...maybe your sister, best friend...
What would you tell her to do?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Oh - Thank you both for the encouragement. I think we all can use a pick me up once in a while considering all of our situations.
I just reutrned from a long lunch with my father and we just made it back before it started to snow. My Dad and I will watch a movie and then he will head home.
Bu the time with someone who loves you unconditionally is very helpful. So right now I am relaxing with a very nice glass of Cabernet. I am going to try to relax. I hope all of you have a wonderful and peacefree S afternoon.
Destiny
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
All - I just must face that my H does not care about me or our R. He has only called me 3 times on his own since he left. I am not going to call him. He has asked last week (after I called him) to ask if we could get together (even take the day off) to do taxes this Thursday.
I told him I would have to check my schedule. I have been having a hard time as you all know and I think I should hang up (courteously of course) or not pick up at all should he call this week to confirm.
I have no idea what to say to him and I am afraid that he will bring up the D conversation and I KNOW how that will pi$$ me off. Not sure how to handle a call from him now, especially since has called less than 5 times on his own since he walked out Xmas Eve.
He just DOES NOT CARE - right? Why should I? And I know he has been with OW!
OLD THREAD-http://tinyurl.com/y98nuty Me 44 H 51 T 15 yrs M 9+ yrs No Kids "You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment unless you trust enough."
Destiny-have you read any other threads on this site? It might be helpful! It sounds like your H is in MLC and that could take months or years (I know...I don't like that either!). You might check out the MLC threads and see what they are doing there! My H left 12/30 and hasn't called too many times either and I suspect if we didn't have kids, he wouldn't call at all. Try not to to worry about that!
Good job on "checking your schedule"...he left, you do not have to drop everything to accomadate him. Up to you on when you want to do taxes! Don't answer if he calls...let him leave a message and call him back at your convenience
I don't know what to tell you about the D talk, IF that happens. Hopefully someone else will chime in on that!
Hang in there hun!
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