Like a Handprint on my Heart...

[antlers]

Sometimes we feel strong, other times we feel weak. Sometimes we feel better than we do at other times. I guess it's just that way. It's a sad thing...two people who pledged their lives to each other, and committed to spending their lives together...bust up and go to war with each other, and the kids are huge casualties as well as the ex-spouses. It hurts to think about it...it's almost surreal. But it 'is' real! and it's a helluva note that it could come to this!

[Gardener]

Hey, G-Woman,

One reason I didn't go out with friends last night was that I felt unlovable.

As you would say - and have said - to me, "Stop it. Just stop it!"

I have - occasionally and quite naturally and understandably - images of being over the hill and alone.. along with being obese. Manage sadness, keep the numbing void with food. A fear that once the kids don't need me what will I turn to?

We all do. That is the Surviving part. The Thriving part will return. Hey, my kids haven't "needed" me for years. What did I become? Me.

Time to face the demons and continue to get healthy.

Now that's the G-Woman I know and love (even though she doesn't feel lovable at times!)

Just not myself.

Yes you are. Just one of your many, many facets.

(((Hugs)))p.s. I feel many of these thoughts and emotions from time to time. Maybe I should post them more often, so you get more practice at telling someone (you or me) to snap out of it!

[FLTC]

Hey!

Cease fire! You've been one of the most insightful persons that ever posted to me! FOUR YEARS on the boards! From the depths of suicidal depression to an incredibly content person looking forward to the future. All because of posters like YOU!

We all get those moments. As long as you keep it as a MOMENT and not a LIFE STYLE. You're too smart for that kind of stuff.

What happened to your "fitness" lifestyle? You were doing a good job for a while! Are you out there at least walking? Exercise is such a great cure for the blues. My gym membership is the best $350 I spend every year! Not to go "Jack LaLanne" on you, but I'm thinking if you change your lifestyle, you'll change some of your outlook.

OK....that'll be $185.00 for the advice! Bargain-basement Connecticut prices!

[john210]

Hey gyps, we all go through these stretches, whether we lost a pet or a family member or have had a marriage dissolve. That is LIFE...ok maybe this DB part shouldn't be. The fact of the matter is we have been dealt these cards and WE need to try to minimize these moments not dwell on them too long. Perhaps that is what unites us all here....we dwell....some of us longer than others.....perhaps we grow accustomed to being the victim. It feels comforting at times to dwell but if we take the time to reflect on the positives in our life instead of dwelling on the past, usually it is enough to "snap out of it".
I have never met you in person and therefore do not know what you look like physically. I do know a little about Gyps and who she is inside. I like it...I like it alot.
Gyps, do not let one person's decision (however screwed up or even correct it is) define who you are. Gyps is worth MUCH more than what one person thinks of her. You may not believe this right now but there will be someone in your future who will find everything you do or say or the way you look absolutelly wonderful.....you will probably not find that person watching the olympics in your living room however. :-)

[smith18]

Kathleen -

I am sorry to hear you are down. I guess even the best have their bad days. It is only temporary and you know that there are better times ahead.

The Colonel is right - getting to the gym is something to help lift your spirits. Even though you may not lose any weight, the simple matter of expending energy can clear cob webs and depression in the mind. Just take it slow and dont hurt yourself like I have (darn testorsterone!).

[Gardener]

From my journaling tonight:

Wanted to drag this part over here.

Monday journaling,

Last minute, spur of the moment dinner with Gypsy, tonight (well, I ate; she watched) since I was up in her area. Despite the coincidence and convenience of my already being up there and the last minute invite, she accepted.
I appreciate her graciousness in that.

We had a good heart-to-heart, as always.
Thanks, G-Woman!

[Generosity]

Aw Gypsy,

Give yourself some time to feel the events of the last week.
You've just experienced a great loss.

Know that you are loved & cared for...

After your post about Tiggy, I looked at pictures of the last minutes I had with my sweet Buddy & cried like it was yesterday & not 3 yrs ago. I still hear his dog tags around the house.

Those who feel deeply, feel everything deeply, including love.


Sunny

[Gypsy]

Hello Dear Friends..

*hugs*

This is a heartfelt thank you for what you've shared.

Some nights are sleepless.. fretting about the lack of money, will the house sell, how low will I go. When slumber eludes me, I pad down the stairs with night lights caressing the way with a gentle glow. Near the landing, I always hesitate, peering to see if Tiggy is guarding the upstairs, curled on the runner. Even though I'd try to skirt her sleeping form, she'd awaken and dutifully follow me where ever I went, either to the computer or den with an "I'm here" thump, settling in for snooze. Needless to say, I no longer have what I took for granted.

But I digress..

Tonight I did something I've rarely done. I went back and read the posts since my sweet pooch's death. And found beauty, comfort and caring in every one written. The words you all shared help so much, increasing exponentially each time.

I'm learning the meaning of 'consolation'. That what other people share is a salve to the soul. A loss can't be seen or touched yet it emanates. And I guess it's a choice.. or an acceptance of what needs to felt.. perhaps ripping off the bandaid transcending the sorrow to savor the joy of the life we shared.

Thank you all for bringing comfort and soothing, making sleepless nights less draining.

Each of you is a gift, a treasure to me.. and to this world.

*hugs.. hugs.. hugs...*

[Gardener]

G-Woman,
Just dawned on me that perhaps I should have responded to you over here, not at my place, so here it is:

Hey G'Man..Do you know your voice changes when you GAL? I heard it when you called. It was GAL time for me, too....And.. now that your divorce is finalized so much tension and worry have lifted from your face and posture. Like the garden being prepared for spring, the harshness of winter thawed.

And I saw, heard - and mostly felt - a completely different you: more outwardly relaxed, animated, vivacious. There was a greater, more evident demeanor of fun all about you.
"Yays" all around!

Oh yes.. and thanks for suggesting I use a derivation of your name when you call. What an unexpected relief that is. Who'd a thunk a friend would have the same name as the former spouse? What an unexpected relief that is.

Yeah, that works out perfectly, doesn't it?

_________________________

[john210]

<<I no longer have what I took for granted.>>

You have alot today gyps.....savour it......build on it.

In the words of my fellow canadian Joni Mitchell:
"Don't it always seem to go,
That you don't know what you've got......