Looking for my new normal

[Gardener]

Hi, Bunny,
'Good to hear from you.
I understand you're having no desire to see or speak to H. I've increasingly felt that way and after divorce last week, I don't care at all.

You don't recognize your life because it is all - all - so new and different and healthy. Can't cure normal. Give it time. Who of us on these boards feels anything "normal" in or about their lives?

Okay, now it's time for one of Gardener's infamous blue-and-red conversations (it's the only way I can really keep track!)

"Robx mentioned something in another thread about very few LBH's celebrating their wives leaving them. That stung a bit. Despite the initial upset-ness, I know mine had a sense of relief at least, if not celebrating. I did him a d@mn favor by leaving." You're assuming, here. And here: "My leaving is not a consequence in his eyes." Try not to make assumptions (The Four Agreements). Whenever I make assumptions, I am usually proven 90% (alright, 100% wrong - and -have wasted time and energy.

Your H has consequences of his choices whether he has faced them yet or not. And if and when he finds someone new (like all of us will on these boards - healthily and healthfully), he will simply seek - and find - someone else vulnerable enough to whom he can transfer his many, many issues. And for the first time in years, that person won't be you!

"Remember how he said that I was distorting reality when we met with the MC that first time, because I wasn't really that good at presenting myself (WTF?!?!), the whole medication bit, etc..." Yes, I remember, as does everyone who loves you and read it, too and responded with a single, loud chorus of: "Aw, what "BULLSH!T!" Do you remember that? You should. You agreed.

"Some days it's easier to handle being alone than others, I guess." It sure is. I haven't heard from many friends and family since the split. Me neither, except for two cherished ones. I figure the rest are giving me time or just don't know what to say. So I call them. You should, too. "...guess as long as I'm not going off the deep end, they don't need to concern themselves." Bah! Ppfftttt!! "And I'm not going off the deep end, but somedays I would really like someone to talk to. So would I. You have my phone number in the .alt. Use it. "I would feel like I'm imposing on them if I were to ask though."(Making assumptions, again). [color:#336633FF]"I don't know how accurate that perception really is."[/color] Probably not accurate and totally inaccurate in my case."
"I don't know how to ask for help, and I guess I'm not sure if I really qualify as needing help since I'm not suicidal or anything else crazy. I can just handle it myself." You're human. You want to talk. That's why you;re here on this board. Don't ask for help unless you really need it. Just call. Just talk. You'll be glad you did and they'll feel (and I'll feel) glad that you did. Practice. Start with me.

Peace,