Sorry, ssm. I didn't find a thread that outlines your situation completely, but I recall that your wife did say she was done with sex years ago, right? Do you bring up that you are trying to change that status quo or do you pretend everything is honkey dorey? I totally understand how feeling completely rejected on that level by the woman you love is so, so painful.
My situation is a bit different. I am most definitely HD but I just want the orgasm and while lingerie, role play, toys, etc are certainly interesting, I could live just fine with missionary and doggy style every night. The prob is I love that oxycontin release so much that I start being more agressive in sexual pursuit. Oggling, groping, and flat out requests/demands emasculate my husband-completely counterproductive to my ultimate goal. I just see that we've been stuck with a regular sex life that barely keeps both of us from going insane rather than an adaquate (at least in terms of frequency for me) sex life that at least isn't competely undermining our love and growth together as a couple.
Ultimately it's about pushing our partners buttons the right way. Good luck with whatever you are trying to accomplish - for me, 1 year no overt sexual advances. It's only been 4 days since I made this commitment, and already my husband is wondering what the heck is going on. Since I have backed off (truly, not just half hearted in the past), he's been sniffing around.
The valentine card I gave him really got a reaction. Usually i get blatantly amorous cards (as in king kong sexy), but this year I gave him a pretty handmade (not by me) card of a window with birds outside (reminds me of our house just purchased last year). Inside I wrote, "you may not have feathers, but I still like being part of your flock. Thanks for being me friend. Happy valentines day. Love, xx". He really grabbed onto the whole friend bit and laid down to cuddle and figure out what that was all about. I said I was trying to be cute and sweet. He asked why I didn't say "husband", to which I replied "I guess I could have". He (HE!) pushed the envelope then saying "or lover" and I bit my tongue completely. Not.a.peep. he got up to get on the computer shortly afterward. I asked if he was all done cuddling/talking and he said he'd be right back after shutting down. After about 20min, I went to get water and walked past him completely ignoring him which got his attention. He asked what I was doing to which I simply replied getting a drink before going to sleep. Dang if he didn't join me in that quest. Today, shut-eye. Tomorrow, ??. Baby steps.
ps: this whole being coy thing is new to me... Why hasn't anyone bitten on the prior thread on this board? What was the reference not intriguing?
Met/Sex: 3/93, married 2000 HD ME: 38 (Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon) LD HE: 37 (Cancer Sun & Moon) DD: 8.5, DS: 7 Intimate 2x/lunar cycle before cutting self off in attempt to change behavior pattern
I didn't find a thread that outlines your situation completely, but I recall that your wife did say she was done with sex years ago, right? Do you bring up that you are trying to change that status quo or do you pretend everything is honkey dorey? I totally understand how feeling completely rejected on that level by the woman you love is so, so painful. 
