feel like giving up - talk to me!

[luvless]

Last night was ok but H drank way too much and made a couple rude comments to me in front of everyone..stuff like "that's your problem" and some other comments I won't mention right now cuz I'll be pissed but I'm sure everyone there thought he was rude and not cool.

We got home at 2:20 and he went to his corner and I to mine. He went to sleep with his blackberry as I had to get up at 4 to turn the tv off.

This morning my friend came and brought me pink tulips, champagne and a card. I'm glad because it felt pretty crappy that H didn't even get a card. He said in front of the friend "hey lets go get something to eat" I said, "no." (sorry but after last night and not even a card this morning) why on earth would I wanna go out to breakfast with him? I mean seriously.

After friend left he wanted me to change to go get something to eat and I said, "naw I don't wanna go" he said "fine I'll take the kids." I said, "we aren't just here for whenever you feel like it." The kids didn't really want to go with him and he got pissed. He left without saying goodbye to anyone. He's still gone.

I took the kids to lunch and we walked down and had a ice cream afterwards. It was nice. I didn't miss him once and usually I do.

I have no idea where he could have gone on valentines day when everyone has plans so....again he is unaccountable for where he is...as usual.

I'm tired.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

so, your H didn't get you a card, but that was that morning. who knows if he was planning to give you a card or not, but you didn't give him a reason to from the beginning of the day IMHO. I feel this was more self prophecy. you pretty much expected nothing good from him and that's what you got. although your not suppose to EXPECT anything, but your attitude was, you expected crap from him and your attitude reflected that.

It was okay for you to say no about breakfast, but I can tell how your body language and your tone is. your not showing him your enjoying your life and moving on with or without him.

IMHO, this is not a path to reconciliation. Do you truly want to reconcile? or do you want to just stay the same and have H begging to come back and admitting it was all his fault? while that would sound like the better option, and easier option, it won't happen.

[mindfull]

Luv,

I have to tell you how much I agree w/ST. After our conversation on Friday night, and knowing what was going on there, real time, you're simply reacting to him when he's "naughty". You're not maturely guiding him into a better place... Remember, YOU are the one who is, supposedly, not in this WAS or OW/OM fog. Use the clarity you should have to guide this family right now.

A couple of things stick out...

-- Fri you were TICKED that he was so late on a Friday. What did you DO about it, rather than (probably) b*tch to him about it?

-- Sat night at the party, if he was rude or made a snarky comment, what did you DO about it, rather than (probably) b*tch to him about it?

-- Sun am, when friend was there, and H showed interest in going to b-fast, what did you DO about it, other than b*tch about the fact that he showed interest?

-- Sun am, when you didn't receive a card, flowers, candy, baubles, what did you DO about it, other than b*tch about it here?


I think, AGAIN, it all comes down to, IF you're working on this, a combination of some boundary setting, FOLLOW-THRU, and creating a home he'd really want to be at! I can tell you, if I reacted the way you do w/my H, he would have been gone a LONG time ago... (Trust me, I'm not saying my way is better, as I'm stuck in a different way, but we DO co-exist well, and I can guaranTEE he considers his home a pleasant place to be, unless of course, he's a complete dumb*ass!).

Think of it this way... YOU HAVE to be in charge now...

OF YOU
OF LEADING YOUR FAMILY
OF BEING A GOOD EXAMPLE TO YOUR KIDS!!!

Just because you've "remained faithful" doesn't make you better or right. It just makes you less a potential common sin.

Hope that helps! LEAD w/the JOY I see when we're goofing off and having fun! PLEASE

HUGS MY FRIEND!!! (And, quit yer b*tchin'! LoL)

[mindfull]

Luv,

also, did you give him a card or anything for VD?

And, I can't tell you... no matter the holiday, my H, typically doesn't shop until the day OF.

[luvless]

I've watched my body language carefully..trust me. Ok so I've been ticked but seriously you guys I've watched myself.

I'll be back to update. I can't right now cuz he is around. Today should be interesting we have some things that must be dealt with.

Thank you ST and Mind - your words are taken seriously.

[mindfull]

Good Luck w/the THINGS!

[mindfull]

Luv, where's the update? Who else will lovingly slap ya around and hug you to death at the same time?

[luvless]

Hi guys...

Yesterday we had some "have to" stuff to do and afterwards we went to lunch. We talked about my car and what the dealer just told us. Lunch was $65 and I was complaining about the bill and H said, "it's no big deal we are here to enjoy ourselves."

So...we were walking back to the car by this cool bar he says, "hey you wanna sit and have a beer?" I said ok. We were there for 4 hours! We talked about matter of fact stuff and as it got later talked a little bit about R. There wasn't a whole lot said but he told me he didn't feel love from me (he's told me that before) He also said, "do you know how it feels to be sleeping on the couch?" I said, "it's your choice to be there." He talked a little bit about the future (visiting my sister) and his job and stuff. I do not believe anything he says. His actions clearly speak he doesn't want our R to work.

Anyway....he started touching me and saying he's always been attracted to me blah blah We went home and he slept in my bed - literally. Well do not be waiting to give me my 2x4's cuz I already gave um to myself.

I am confused and don't know what to do. I will keep praying that God enlightens me because I really truly don't know anymore. I have been denying a major fact - my M is over and I have got to accept it!

[courageous wife]

I don't know about 2x4's. Future talk is good! Admitting he doesn't like sleeping on the couch is good! Wanting to have a beer with you AFTER the "have to" stuff is good. Not feeling love from you??? I haven't read your sitch from the beginning so not sure there...so he slept in your bed...big deal! The confusion sucks! How is he acting now?

[sgctxok]

Please start a new thread....your thread is extremely large. The mechanics of the board do not work as well when there are many large threads. It is recommended to keep threads under 200 posts.