Ring On or Ring Off????

[ddstartingover]

I was shocked on Saturday that H sat next to me for a full 10 minutes at S11's bb game. He left to take girls to softball practice. He also took them to pitching lessons yesterday morning. I asked that he pick them up, but did not go downstairs to greet him when he came. Also, for the first time left the door locked, even though I knew he was coming. He still normally just walks on in when he comes. I'm trying to work on NC, even though we have to have contact regarding the kids. I'm still not so sure about being so willing to let him have them so much on "my weekends," but I don't know what to do. Neither of the girls wanted to go pitch yesterday, but it was scheduled so I told them they had to go...................

So, today I learned of a local woman that I know whose husband took off---just left----a WAS. I feel horrible that I'm thinking how much better that would be for me. Instead, I have to see H on a much too regular basis. I see him and want him to be who he was, but know that he's not. Yesterday he took the girls to pitching practice. D16 wanted to shop afterwards, so I texted him and asked that he meet me at the mall when they were done. They arrived minutes before I did. I saw them pull into the parking lot, but instead of waiting for me, he dropped them at the front door and smiled and waved as he drove by me in the parking lot.

I am trying to understand. I'm trying to appreciate his pain, but it is so hard at times when he appears to be so totally happy and pleased with himself and what he's doing..............